New Girl in Liverpool
by followthesunjpm
Summary: Gina is new in Liverpool. There , she will meet new people, including John, for whom she feels strong feelings and his friend Paul ... or more than a friend. She will live the nights at The Cavern, the Speke walks, visits to Mendips, and the boys trip to Hamburg.
1. Chapter 1

It was a sunny morning, I was in the kitchen eating my eggs and tea at our home in Edge Hill. I looked out the window, thinking, that day was my first day at school, although it wasn't the beginning of the school year, but I had to change the highschool since we moved here, to Liverpool from Blackpool.

I took my things and came out down the street, there , there was Bee waiting for me, my neighbor , who, casually, went to my class. She didn't stop talking all day, and seemed happy to have a new friend from out of town.

BEE: Morning Gina!

GINA: Hi Bee

B: ¿Do you know we are late?

G: I don't know what time we begin clases …

B: Hey, I really want to show you how things go here, you'll love Liverpool, there is always something to do, well, soon, there will be a festival to celebrate the arrival of spring and we thought to rob some liquor from Stan's uncle for drinking.

G: ¿drinking? But, these festivals are before diner!

B: hehe, but at night we go to Matthew Street, and we can go to the Casbah or The Cavern.

G: Oh well …

B: Oh, and don't think of flirting because … all the boys are in the Quarrybank, near Harthill Road.

G: I don't want to flirt …

B: Just wait to see the guys, my dear. The girls go out some evenings to the Quarrybank to see them, or wait in the park exit, the Calderstones Park, have you seen it? It's huge! Sometimes we're waiting for them, there are always a time to chat, or to hide behind trees … with a girl.

G: What a waste of time! , is too far away to just go watch some silly kids.

B: bah, boring girl…

The day seemed eternal in high school, a sunny day, isn't usual at Liverpool, so I had to take advantage. For days I wanted to go to the neighborhood of Speke, was outside the city, but it was quiet and nice, and I did not like the hustle and bustle of shopping, too many old ladies talking nonsense…

That afternoon I went to speke with my bike, I stood in a meadow to smell the flowers and think.

Suddenly I saw, in the distance, on the long road through the meadow, were two boys, one higher than the other. The two had the same hairstyle, a teddy boy quiff, misplaced shirt, … the higher wore jeans, the other corduroy pants.

Suddenly, I see them approaching to me. - ¿What are they doing? - I get nervous.

When I have them in a meter , one of both say to me :

- Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? -.

- What? -

- Did you fall of the bicycle? -

- Oh no! I'm just lying on the grass beside the bike … -

They stare at me like I was crazy.

-Ah, OK…. I'm Paul, this is George.

GINA: I'm Gina

GEORGE: Hey, you're not from here, right?

GI: No, I have moved recently, Do you study at the Quarrybank?

PAUL GEORGE: hahahaha

P: No … that's for snobs, we go to the Liverpool Institute, but we spent some time there.

GI: Ah …

GE: Yes, we have some friends there, the other members of our band

GI: Oh, I see

GE: We are the "Quarrymen", we are the new members , but now the band sounds better, does't it Paul?

-Laughs-

Q: Tomorrow we have our third official concert, will you come?

GE: Yeah, come with some friends

GI: Where do you play?

At The Cavern - they both said in unison.

***.

I took my bike and went home, mom was reading in the dining room, since dad left us she is absent all day and let me do what I want … is that good or bad?

MOTHER: Gina darling, can you go to buy some butter?

GI: Absolutely.

I was very tired after my adventure with the bike to Speke, but still had to go to Penny Lane for butter.

Once there, I went into the little store next to the barber shop, I heard the music of Little Richard from within. Was it necessary to put the music so high?

I went to the rack to find the butter, and there were two guys, suddenly, one says to the other: "Fucking Shotton! " We'll get caught! , "Quiet," the other replies - " grab the beer and get out fast."

They swerve to leave and one of them pushed me and said: Where are you going to spread the butter?I can help you if you want! - I blushed.

Both wore the uniform of The Quarrybank, and tousled hair.

"Shotton" exclaims: "Let's go John!".

**John …**


	2. Chapter 2

Leaving the store I was thoughtful. Those guys were not like the typical Quarrybank boys, they robbed and … and John made fun of me.

On the way home, I stopped at the Toxteth Park Cemetery to see a sign announcing:

_Country-and-western, rock n 'roll, skiffle band - The Quarrymen - Open for Engagements - Please Call Nigel Whalley, 1715 "- John Lennon, Eric Griffiths, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Stuart Sutcliffe, Pete Shotton, -_

GOD! Sure, the thugs from the store were Pete and John, who formed the band with the guys I met in Speke, the Quarrymen!

Do I really want to go to this concert? Now , I knew that John would be there, and probably would laugh at me, … Gina, stop!

When I got home I took off my shoes and went to my room, grabbed my harmonica and I started playing some tunes, suddenly the phone rang.

GI: Hello?

BEE: GINA! Tell me everything! What were you doing in Speke? Are you seeing McCartney?

GI: What are you saying!

B: Samantha saw you in Speke with Paul and George, he's so cute …

GI: Yes, he is handsome, but he only came to see if I was okay, He thought I had fallen off the bike.

B: Are you stupid? I would have pretended having fallen … How smells Paul?

GI: You're insane!

B: Yes … but anyway, I think he has a girlfriend, Dorothy, Dot.

GI: Gossip … hey, er, will we go to The Cavern tomorrow night?

B: Yes, to see The Quarrymen, and I won't miss it, there will be Paul, Stu, John.

GI: Ah yes, "John", I hope that tomorrow he combs himself .

B: He never combs himself, just puts gel in his hair and hits the streets.

- Laughs -

GI: See you tomorrow

B: See you.

That night it was hard to sleep, ¿nerves? It would be my first contact with the Liverpool night…

I got up early and turned on the radio, sounded Gene Vincent, I love it! I had breakfast quickly and went to school with Bee. At break time the girls couldn't stop talking about how they would go dressed for the concert that night. How much important was it? It were only a skiffle band in a dirty pub.

The afternoon was quiet, I had my feet hurt, so we went by bus to Everton at Jules home. In the bus , we met John and Stu. I've never met Stu, but he came to sit beside me, John looked at me, but said nothing.

STU: Hey cutie, what's your name? Have we met at the casbah?

GI: I think not, I moved recently.

STU: Oh, new girl in Liverpool, if you want to take a walk one day , I'll show you the city, but today , I invite you to come to The Cavern me act my band …

GI: Don't tell me, The Quarrymen.

STU: YES!It seems that you know us

GI: Yeah, well, it seems that everyone wants me to go to that concert …

STU: Well, me too - said with mischievous face.

Suddenly , John gets up and off the bus.

STU: JOHN! Where are you going? You don't get off until woolton!

Stu left the bus, and through the glass it seemed that they are discussing.

How strange is this John- I thought

We were at Jules home for dinner and to drink some liquor before going to The Cavern, his parents were on holiday in France, and he left the house to herself.

We started eating and drinking, were the girls and a some boys who didn'tt know,I was feeling a bit shy , but soon , I lost the shame due to liquor.

-I like Shotton, he's like a chicken!

Ah well , I like George, I always meet him in Speke…

Now I know why he was in Speke with Paul - I thought.

-Girls, Paul is the most handsome by far

-Hey,Do you know that Gina has been talking with Stu on the bus?

Everyone looked at me expectantly

GI: No deal, was cordial with me and nothing else …

We started laughing and gossiping, my head was spinning, it was getting dark and we had to go to the concert if we didn't want to be late.

Once there, we went to The Cavern, we had to go down stairs to the claustrophobic pub , it smelled musty and beer. Upon entering we ordered a round of beers - could I resist another drink? -

Suddenly my eyes crossed with George, and came to greet me.

GE: Hi Gina, you have come! - his breath smelled of alcohol.

GI: Yes, finally. I'm pretty drunk, but I hope I can hear your music well.

GE: haha, don't need, the boys are so drunken and…

-Laughs-

Me and the girls approached to the stage.

Then the boys jumped on stage and began with Long Tall Sally. John almost didn't sing vocals, Paul sang giving everything, Stu didn't do anyting , and the rest were trying to save the show.

Although it was a disaster, they played with great energy and entertained the public.

Then, the boys ended the show and the other band took the stage . They went straight to the bar to order a round¿More alcohol?

The girls were dancing,Bee was criticizing Dot, Paul's girlfriend because she snuggled to him so much. ¿What did she expect? It was his girlfriend!

I was looking at a blond girl who was watching from a corner, who would she be?

The boys stood up and started dancing with us, then I realized that Stu was too earring of me, to the point that he tried to kiss me, but I turned him down gently. I met the whole band, and we talked for quite a while, but John was the only one who didn't say anything to me, why?

I went to him to start a conversation, anything, just to talk.

I touched his back and turned.

My legs started to shake. ¿What's wrong with you? - I told myself.

JOHN: Oh, you… what do you want?

GINA: Em … **butter**!


	3. Chapter 3

I was stunned.

John looked at me in amazement, but his expression changed Quickly to a funny face.

J: So ,Do you accept my proposal to daub you butter?

GI: Uh, no …

J: so?

GI: I just wanted to talk to you, but I think I'm regretting …

J: I see, ¿ Don't you Should be with Stu? - Said reproachfully.

GI: Stu is vomiting in the toilet, but, I can't understand why are you saying me this, Have you got a problem with him? This afternoon , you have fought at the bus stop …

J: ¿What? Stu is my best friend, I have no problem with him.

GI: So what?

J: Brothers fight sometimes. He just broke a deal we had , and we'll maybe fight again …

GI: It makes no sense…

John turns to order another round, completely drunk. Suddenly , left the beer at the bar, and goes to my ear…

J: Stu snuggles to what's mine too much,

GI: ¿Yours?

J: Yes, don't be nosy baby, 'cause …

The blond girl interrupts us.

- Hey John, I'm going home , my mother will scold me. You're so drunk, ¿Do you want me to walk you home? ¿What will Mimi say if she see you on this way?

J: Oh Cyn, don't be insistent, I drank very little, I'll walk you to the bus.

John Went with Cyn without even looking me to leave. She says goodbye to Dot ¿Does she know her? I've never seen cyn around here.

I was been dancing for a while but I left to take some air, I was sweaty and overwhelmed.

Outside, I heard someone arguing in the alley .

I Approached surreptitiously . There were Paul and Dot.

Dot: And , what can I do? You must accept it, I haven't done on purpose, and I think you have something to do with it …

P: Dot honey, I know. But we are very young, now, things start to go well with the band …

For a while , they Lower Their Voices and I couldn't hear them, but then I hear something else.

D: I have fear of being alone when you go to Hamburg.

P: It's a great opportunity, I must go.

D: You're Selfish And … ¿what about our son …?

Son! Dot and Paul were expecting a baby, but apparently Paul went to Hamburg with the band and left her alone. ¿John too? I felt a pang. ¿Why Do I Feel This Way? I went back to say goodbye to Bee and the girls.

John was there again, I hadn't seen him was sitting in a chair, watching the people and completely absent.

George was leaving.

GI: Hey George,¿ where are they all?

GE: They just left, now I must go to Woolton to take John to Mendips and then return to Speke , and I am very tired.

GI: mm … I can go with him if you want

GE: Really? Do you know where is it ? I'll explain you…

George told me in detail how to get to John's house, Mendips.

I left him and went to the inert John.

GI: John, it's time to leave. I will walk you home. ¿okay?

J: eh? Ah, Ms. Butter wants walk me home …

Gi: I don't, I must.

J: You Want

GI: I must!

J: You want

GI: Aagh, come on, get up!

I helped John to up the stairs to the exit of The Cavern and there was Paul with a crying eyes . Paul inspired me tenderness , I can't explain, he always had rosy cheeks and a sweet look, now I understand why the girls like him .

Poor Paul - I thought - .

P: Fucking John, dragging on the ground again.

J: It's better than crawling behind Dot

Paul clenched his fists but said nothing.

GI: Hey Paul, I will walk John to home.

P: ¿alone? I go with you

GI: No, Thanks.

Q. Gina, trust me, it is better, trust me, it's not good to leave you alone with him, you will may be in trouble.

I looked him puzzled

GI: I don't get in trouble if I don't want

P: Don't be so sure.

We walked for quite a while to the house of John.

P: ¿Why cyn left so early?

John stammered

J: I don't know, things of his mother, I didn't atent what she said.

P: You should treat her better

Who was cyn? The curiosity came over me, but it was not the time to ask.

We arrived at Mendips door, I never imagined That the house of John was upper middle class with those teddy boy clothes that he use to wear … John took his keys awkwardly.

P: John, is better open the door silentlyand , I accompany you up to make sure we don't make noise, or Mimi …

J: You can't go with Those dirty shoes, only Gina.

P: John - He muttered -. Okay, but fast.

Paul looked at me in a way I didn't understand

We entered the house, was very welcoming, I couldn't imagine John listening Rock & Roll in that environment.

We go up stairs quietly, I barely held him. We went to his room, down the hall to the left.

It was a room with a bed, there was his guitar, a radio and some posters.

John sat on the bed.

GI: Well John, go to sleep , I'm going home, goodnight.

J: Hey Gina, not so fast

GI: Paul Is waiting for me.

J: haha, Poor Paul … waiting in the cold night. ¿D0 you like him?

GI: What?

J: all girls like Paul

GI: And you like all the girls

J: Yeah, I guess so, some girls more than others

GI: Can I leave now?

J: No, help me undress …

John Could undress himself perfectly, but I did it to him leave me alone.

He Was all in leather, like the other members of the band. I helped him take off his shirt, smelled like a Long Nights of Rock & Roll. I helped him unbutton his pants, I felt really ridiculous and embarrassed.

J: I usually like to take my pants off myself, because I go faster and I can to do the job right away.

GI: PIG! I'm leaving.

J: As you wish, thanks for bringing me home …

GI: Hey … What did you mean by … "Stu snuggles to what is mine too much."?

J: Haha, do you wanna know? Well, let's say … Between colleagues, there are some girls who can't be touched, for example, I would never touch Dot, Paul's girlfriend, Stu's ex , Sarah, or Bee, because Shotton likes fer- Shotton likes Bee! -.

GI: So, Stu has tried to flirt to one of your "untouchable".

J: Right.

GI: Is the blonde? Cyn?

J: Haha I don't think he have the courage to approach to cyn

He was ambiguous,I wanted to ask more but Paul was waiting outside.

GI: Well, I'm off, good luck with the hangover.

J: Goodbye Ms. Butter

GI: Do not call me that.

And I left.


	4. Chapter 4

Paul was leaning on the stringer, waiting.

PAUL: You took a lot of time…

GINA: John wouldn't let me go, he's like a baby

PAUL: John is my friend, but I must warn you, he has a good heart, though sometimes hurts people around him.

GINA: John?

PAUL: Yes, he has always been problematic, his mother died, his father abandoned him and lives with her aunt.

I cringed when I heard that .

GINA: Oh … that's horrible! But he wasn't mean to me,he was just … just John.

PAUL: You know what is best for you. You have already entered their game, he wants to seduce you , you know?

John seduce me?!

GINA: Ha, I don't think so

PAUL: Yes, he has taken a fancy, the other day discussed with stu because he was filtring with you.

Now I understand everything.

GINA: I don't want anything with him, I won't be one more in his list of conquest, and less if he makes fun of me the whole day.

PAUL: That's his tactic, it seems that all the girls want John, the bad boy.

GINA: Oh yeah? And will it work? do you do the same to flirt?

-Laughs-

PAUL: haha no …

GINA: You don't need that, the girls go to you because you're so sweet! - I shouldn't have said that, just thinked of it, didn't want to say it out loud! -.

Before I knew it we were in Edge Hill, Paul had walked me home.

PAUL: Do You think so? - He said with a mischievous smile.

GINA: Yes … - dead of shame -.

PAUL: Thank you! - He shook my hair as a joke.

We went in front of my door.

GINA: So Paul .. Are you okay? You were crying …

PAUL: Well, you were gossiping, so, you'll know why. -Shit … he realized - I saw you peering down the alley while I was talking to Dot.

GINA: I'm sorry, I …

PAUL: It doesn't matter. I'm a little in shock, a child is too much for me. I love Dot, but … I don't see a lifetime with her, now we're fine, but we have all the life ahead and I want to live.

GINA: You'll have to assimilate it.

PAUL: I know … let's talk about another subject. Today I've talked to the girls. We'll go at the home of Stu tomorrow night to play cards and drink.

GINA: Do you never get tired of drinking?

PAUL: Never hehe

GINA: goodnight Paul , see you tomorrow

Q. See you Gina

He stroked my arm as a younger brother and headed down the street with his leather coat and shoes worn.

I woke up at lunchtime, Mom had boiled potatoes, again? . With a full stomach I went for a shower, it's said it is not good, but I have never had any problems with that. As the water fell to my face I thought on John , misjudged him, I thought it was bad by nature, but in reality, he's a poor boy tormented trying to to fill the void in his heart … I was getting sentimental, shook my head and I took the towel to dry me.

Jules knocked the door insistently.

GINA: Hi Jules!

JULES: HI Gina, change your clothes and go.!

GINA: change? This is what I'm wearing tonight.

JULES: are you kidding? I won't go to Stu's with , come to my house right now , and I will dress you properly.

I couldn't reject, I recognize that my clothes are a bit bland.

JULES: UUUh , Stu isn't going to remove an eye on you.

GINA: I don't like Stu!

JULES: Yeah, right … - said facetiously

I was wearing a red corduroy skirt to the knees, a black blouse with square neck a fine cloth, and black leather boots, I thought I would freeze me from the cold.

GINA: Hey Jules, do you know if John will be there? Yesterday was very drunk.

JULES: John is always everywhere, he will board a hangover with another!

-Laughs-

An evening of poker and alcohol in Stu's apartment. Stu lived alone since he entered art school and his flat was turning into a sort of meeting place.

By 22:00 we turned up at the apartment. The door was made of wood, red and scratched, wouldn't imagine that I was going to that hole.

we Rang the bell and Pete opened he door ,( his family owned the Casbah.)

We climbed some stairs with little light and we got into a hallway, in the end we found an open door where we could hear noise and some dispel light.

Upon entering, the atmosphere was thick with smoke, the boys were sitting on the carpet without shoes, surrounded by bottles and cigarette packs.

STU: Girls! Welcome to my cave.

JULES: Shut up and take the beer.

Stu and George came to us, George took our jackets and Stu came beside me looking me up and down.

STU: Gina, I think I'd better not drink more today, because I have bad intentions with that skirt

I intimidated, but I dissipate the tension with a smile.

GINA: Thanks for the compliment, let's go with the boys.

On the balcony there were some people, and I could hear a girl in the kitchen, I sat between Paul and Pete, I was looking for John, he wasn't anywhere.

PAUL: If your looking for John…he's busy in Stu's room …

Busy?

Suddenly I saw Bee coming from the balcony with Shotton, winked to me.

I saw a ukulele on the couch, so I took it.

STU: Can you play?

GINA:Yes - I said sheepishly.

STU: Play something!

Yeah, yeah, play! - Said the boys.

I took a swig of beer and got to it. Trembling I started playing the first chords of "Sorrow". [ watch?v=c8C7g0_9kCo]

Upon hearing the song, George joined me singing, what a duet!

Suddenly there was like someone opened a door. John came from Stu's room , disheveled and with red cheeks. He headed to us and sit next to me, a place that had emptied when Pete went to the bathroom.

JOHN: So you can play the ukulele …

GINA: Hi John, we missed you

JOHN: I know

John started drinking, didn't seem to remember his state last night.

I was having a great time, Bee was much of the time with Shotton on the couch, curled, also, I saw as Jules kissing Pete furtively , thinking that anyone saw them, I saw them.

At one point in the night, Stu suggested playing game "question or deal." I was already very drunk, so I had to answer their questions.

George started with a question for Paul.

GE: Paul, how was fuck with the nanny?

-Yes, yes, tell us the details - said the boys.

PAUL: I won't tell you, I am a gentleman - and took a drink.

Ooooh - booed him in a tone of disappointment.

It was Paul's turn.

PAUL: Question for John, to whom you would kiss before, Gina or Bee? - I blushed.

JOHN: Neitherof both. - And took a drink even having responded

Fucking John … Did I disappointed with their response?

JOHN: Question for Gina …-I expected a question like : ground swallow me please -. Have you ever kissed a boy in Liverpool?

Shit, I knew.

GINA: No, the boys of Liverpool haven't had that privilege - told to hide my shame .

STU: I think that in this room there is a suitor to be the first aha.

-Laugh.

Suddenly knocked on the door, was Dot, with a expression of shyness

Paul looked at her face .

PAUL: What are you doing here?

D: I've come for Cynthia.

suddenly , Cyn left the Stu's room, John looked at her , she said goodbye briefly and left with Dot.

Why Paul greeted so coldly to his girlfriend? Why Dot didn't come to the party? And why was Cyn locked in the room of Stu?

People were leaving. Stu asked me to come down to the backyard, to the warehouse, to take some ice for the last drink. So I went down to there. Everything was dark, I have to admit I was a little scared. Before arriving at the warehouse door, had to go through the hall, a little creepy. There I saw someone's shadow, was John, leaning against the wall, pensive, lonely.

I approached him.

JOHN: Are you following me?

GINA: No John, I just want some ice.

Suddenly he lunged me against the wall, his face was a few millimeters from mine, my heart was beating a mile a minute.

JOHN: Do you Like Stu? - He snapped.

GINA: eh …

JOHN: Do you like him? - Said loudly.

GINA: No, of course not.

JOHN: Don't play with me …

Suddenly, he grabbed me by the waist, put his chest against mine and ran his lips to mine. Quickly I take my lips apart avoiding the incipient kiss. Did he want to kiss me? Perhaps, but I turned away, I would not kiss someone who had been so nasty to me, but I couldn't hide the growing attraction that I felt for him, but John wasn't for me.

JOHN: What are you doing? That's what you wanted, I've seen you looking at me Gina … you know, I like you, you're my untouchable, so I fought with Stu for you.

GINA: I'm not anyone's. - I reproached.

JOHN: Promise that I'll be the first guy who you will kiss in Liverpool.

My automatic answer would have been no, but my brain played a trick on me.

GINA: Maybe.

Shit, too late, I've already entered his game.

John closed his fist tightly and stroked my hair.

JOHN: I really liked as you played Sorrow on the ukulele

GINA: Thanks - I said with a goofy grin.

The party was over, John had gone to Mendips and were me and Paul going home together again. It was nice to be with Paul, I could talk about everything with him

On reaching the gate I asked for Dot.

GINA: Why Doy didn't came to the party?

PAUL: She feels comfortable in this environment, She likes being at home and walk in the evenings.

GINA: opposite to you

PAUL: Yes, but sometimes I need a little peace,you know, but not for a long - winks at me and laughs mockingly.

Paul turned with intent to leave, but a thought came to my mind and I stopped him

GINA: Hey Paul, Can I ask you something?

PAUL: Of course.

GINA: Wh's cyn?

PAUL: uh, He didn't tell you …

GINA: tell me what?

PAUL: Cynthia is John's girlfriend


	5. Chapter 5

I couldn't sleep that night .

Sunday morning passed slowly, I turned myself in bed from one side to another thinkiing about what Paul said, I felt stupid. I was just one of the hobbies of John, he had a girlfriend and was in front of me all the time. Of course I didn't find out! John didn't treat her as a girlfriend, or at least in front of me, but I could remember a few revealing details. The trust between them at the Cavern, Cyn leaving the same room as John in Stu's house, would they …? And his warm farewell after that.

SILLY! - I said to myself

And to think I wanted to kiss him at the warehouse … I'm just a hobby while his poor girlfriend is waiting at home for him - Stop!

since then , I decided that I didn't want to know anything about John Lennon.

Around noon I went for a walk in Liverpool, was a beautiful day for walking. There were many places that I haven't seen yet, so I started walking aimlessly to where the feet I took me. I ended up in the suburbs, was full of humble but cozy houses, or so it seemed from the outside. The street was sloped downward, I saw two old men on a bench, chewing snuff and kids running around, "Forthlin Rd" I read.

On one side of the street I saw a middle-aged man sitting in a plastic hammock, reading and sunbathing in the frontyard, I stared at him stupidly, he noticed my look, almost stalker and looked up from his reading.

Can O help you in something, Little Lady?

Uh, no, I just watching you , Sir.

The man had a straight but warm face.

Your accent is not from Liverpool, ¿new in our city?

-Yes, I'm taking a walk to visit new places.

Well , you have seen that this is not the upper -side - joked, without being too effusive - Can I offer you an Ice tea?, You Seem very heated little lady! - I Was sweaty and red, what a shame … -

- Yes, Thank's Sir!

The man opened the gate, and led me into the house, the first thing I saw was a humble house, stairs to my right, a door to my left that I sensed was the dining room and the kitchen right in front of the door. We headed to the kitchen, very small, but spotlessly clean.

- I see that the lady of the house is very neat, Sir

- Oh honey, my wife died.

Oh my god, could I be more embarrassed?

The kitchen overlooking a back yard and from there entered a boy to the kitchen.

He was tall with a pointed nose.

MIKE: Hello! I'm Mike.

GINA: Hi Mike, my name is Gina

JAMES: Oh Dear, I'm James, I haven't filed - said the older man - and this is my son, as you can see.

James gave me my iced tea and headed to the dining room, did not know them, but the whole house was so cozy and inspired confidence. It was a typical English home.

The room was small and warm. There was a small fireplace, a TV, a sofa with two armchairs and a piano.

JAMES: In our house has always been music, and that's what I have conveyed to my son, who loves to play guitar, although I'm more of the classics, not that strange Rock & Roll.

I looked at Mike.

MIKE: Oh no, don't look at me, I'm not a musician, but a photographer. He refers to my other brother, who is sick in his room.

another brother?

We talked amicably for a while as the radio was on, sounded "Do You Mind". ( watch?v=RqWYepixwow)

GINA: Excuse me, but where's the bathroom?

JAMES: In the upstairs.

I went upstairs, the iced tea made me go pee, I opened my door to the right and saw that there was a bed with a guy inside,

I was confused! He was the brother of Mike, what a shame! I shut the door quickly.

Suddenly his brother began to speak:

- Mike? What do you want? I'm dying of heat, I think I have a fever yet …

Even on the other side of the door I recognized that voice perfectly. In a fit I entered the room and sat down beside him jumping.

GINA: Paulie!

Paul turned frightened, had the rosy cheeks. as ever, although a little more than usual due to fever. His hair was disheveled and wearing pijama.

PAUL: Gina! What are you doing in my house, in my room? - Said in amazement.

GINA: your father has invited me to iced tea , and wel, I was looking for the bathroom when …

PAUL: ah, the good old James, my father is a real gentleman.

GINA: yes, like you

PAUL: No, I am not a gentleman at all

GINA: haha, you want to look like a teddy boy from the suburbs but you are too soft

PAUL: Hey, don't make me look bad - said giving me a push - I'm quite embarrassed to see me in my pijama.

Then I llooked him closer. He had the two pijama top buttons undone exposing her breast as white as he and illuminated by the faint sun streaming through the drawn curtains . What are you looking at Gina? - I said inwardly.

GINA: Hey Paul … I don't understand anything about the relationship between John and Cyn.

PAUL: I guessed. Well, it's wants to have a relationship with her, but Cyn is the typical polite and demure that makes him touch the ground. He loves her,but John is John, and as you may have seen he miss eyes to see so many girls.

-Laugh-

he's really attracted to you, and plays, so he didn't tell you he had a girlfriend, but if you had asked he would haven't denied it, He is discreet. but doesn't hide it.

GINA: He should have said to me… also I don't understand why having a girlfriend as Cyn , he is attracted to me…

PAUL: I guess that she gives him the peace that he needs ….

GINA: Like Dot to you

PAUL: Yes

GINA: regarding to Dot …

we were interrupted for Screams coming from the street

- Lady McCartney, do me the favor of leaving your room, we go to George's home to rehearse!

It was John.

GINA: Paul, I don't want to see him …

PAUL: You can walk out the bathroom window, I always do.

Suddenly the door opened.

John and George came into the bedroom.

JOHN: Mccartney! …

Interrupted the sentence when saw me

JOHN: I see , you're very " sick " - said wryly.

PAUL: Actually I am, John.

GEORGE: Hi Gina. How are you? Have you come to infect you for not going to class?

GINA: haha of course not, I have iron defenses, i'm not getting sick.

JOHN: the closer you get to him you'll get more sick….

PAUL: Hey John, if you insist, I can come to the rehersal without singing, just playing guitar.

JOHN: No - he snapped - you're too sick.

He turned toward the stairs followed by George who said goodbye with a quick goodbye and head movement.

From above I could hear John.

JOHN: Sir. can I do a call please?

JAMES: Sure.

They went into the dining room and I stopped hearing them.

GINA: I don't understand why John behaves this way with people and friends like you.

PAUL: I guess, we have become accustomed to this behave, but it's not always so. Me and him have much empathy, and we trust each other, the John I know best, is another.. You should see him when we were alone at home writing, no time for joking, he shows the other side, the serene, the sentimental at times, but not too mucho, you know , ¡don't think he's a softie - laugh -. I really love that fucking unbearable boy.

Yes, the two were one, Paul and Stu were among the few who could put up with John, and now understand his connection with Paul, both lost their mother, and that is what, among other things, held them together.

Paul told me about the songs he had begun writing some evenings spent with John in the dinning room singing melodies, taping and drinking milk. He invited me to see them one day, I know it was for courtesy and that I would be a hindrance, but I really wanted to see a meeting like this.

GINA: Well Paul, you'd better go to sleep, it looks like you gained a little fever

PAUL: SI - said lying in bed - I'm tired

I covered him with the blanket and tenderly stroked hhis forehead noting its incipient fever.

At that moment I heard someone coming up the stairs…. Dot opened the door .

DOT: MY LOVE! - Said with a big smile.

His face changed suddenly when saw the situation, Paul lying in bed and me strokeing his forehead, perhaps too close. Shit.

PAUL: Honey, didn't wait you until tomorrow.

DOT: John called me, he said you wanted to see me, and here I am! Didn't know you were sick, I want to take care of you.

PAUL: Yeah, but in your state …

I noticed her belly. She should be about four months pregnant. Dot did't go far from home, I know that for the gossip, because she was expecting a child without being married and so young. He always tried to wear loose clothing or devise anything to hide her pregnancy, but now I could see it clearly.

DOT: Relax, I'm fine - said with a warm smile approaching to Paul.

It was time to go. I got out of bed and headed for the door.

PAUL: Bye Gina, thanks for coming - said while he was hugging Dot.

GINA: Bye Paul, A pleasure Dot, take care.

Dot didn't answer, I understand.

I went downstairs and said goodbye to Mike and James.

I went up going towards home thinking about what had happened, and I remembered the words of Dot, "John called me …". FUCKING JOHN ! He did it on purpose !


	6. Chapter 6

It was raining, Bee chattered about Elvis and Jules was distracted, maybe thinking on Pete.

GINA: Hey Jules, you know John since the childhood … Why do you think that rode that shtick at Paul?

JULES: Are you asking me seriously? Jealousy. - Said emphatically - he is jealous, John is infatuated with you, everyone has noticed.

BEE: Less Cyn - laughed.

Cynthia …

GINA: Girls, I don't know … Is not funny …

BEE: I know, but Gin ', Cynthia knows how is John, she knows that he has always been a womanizer. but what she doesn'tt know is that even being with her, he flirts with others.

GINA: That hurts, I feel bad for her.

JULES: Well,don't get involved with guys with girlfriend , like John…

BEE: ..or Paul.

GINA: Paul? Girls, stop with that joke. Paul and I get along very well, but nothing else, know that in that case you would know, I have already confessed my attraction to John, what more do you want?

They looked like someone planning a diabolical plan.

BEE: Admit that you're attracted to them.

GINA: Never, don't say stupid things!

I spent that afternoon helping Brit in the kitchen. Brit lived alone in an apartment block in the center of Liverpool, that night her boyfriend enlisted in the Navy visited her and wanted to prepare a nice dinner.

BRIT: Oh Gina, I miss him so much … I really want to see him.

GINA: I know Brit, and with this stew he won't leave you any more - I said smiling.

suddenly It felt a big noise on the stairs.

We went quickly to the landing and saw a girl trying to get up underneath a box.

It was Cynthia.

GINA: Did you hurt yourself?

CYN: No - said once put the box on the floor - hey, are you a friend of John's ,really? She said timidly.

The innocence of his words hurt me, if I knew what happened at the warehouse …

GINA: Yeah, we've never been formally introduced, I'm Gina.

CYN: Nice to meet you. I'm moving, Dot and I came to live on the fourth floor and we are flooded with work.

GINA: Dot too? But …

CYN: I know what you're thinking, being pregnant … but is better for her not be feeling guilty all day at home with their parents, she will be more quiet with no

one to judge her, the two of us on the flat, I'll take care of her.

What kind and considerate is Cynthia - I thought.

GINA: Sure, well, if you need help just have to ask.

CYN: Thanks, see you.

GINA: See you.

I went back inside with Brit. While we cooked I was thinking on cyn, she was perfect for John, I shouldn't interfere between them,… I had been avoiding him but I wanted to see him, maybe say hello or let him mock me … where would be now?No! I must not think about him.

Final exams were the following week , ans it was the end of my time in high school. I was every day stuck at home immersed in books, from Edge Hill, to school and back.

On Friday of that week , we end up classes. I showered, I took my bike and headed to Paul's as I had acepted his invitation to spend an afternoon in hisliving room while the boys composed some melodies, he and … John.

I knocked.

JOHN: Ms. Butter, a pleasure - said with false heartiness -

Ms. Butter … Iblaughed inside thinking about my great blunder in The Cavern.

GINA: Hi John, I come to annoy you

JOHN: I think Mike disturbs more than you - he said quietly.

We entered the room. Paul was sitting in a chair with the guitar ,he was left-handed.

PAUL: Hi dear, you can sit where you want, eat some cookies if you want.

I sat on the piano bench while John took his guitar and sat next to Paul …

JOHN: Paul was showing me a subject that began composing for some time and now we are thinking at how we can finish it.

PAUL: Yeah, but I almost have it.

They began to sing the song. P.S I love you. It was 100% Pauls,

It was strange to see John playing without being dumb, jumping or… well, it was a love song.

( watch?v=tdCaYlAx4eU)

The song ended.

JOHN: You see, Lady McCartney, a real romantic.

PAUL: Come on, shut up John …

GINA: And , don't you know how to finish it?

PAUL: No, this is the last thing I sing: I'll be coming home again to you, love

Until the day i do, Love … and don't know what to do now.

GINA: Hm …. you could … you could sing: P.S. I love you … lowering the tone at the end, and then sing you, you, you, I love youuuu, lengthening the note up to finish.

JOHN: I don't like it…

PAUL: I like it , I'll take it - and smiled.

JOHN: I'm going to the kitchen to get something to eat

GINA: I walk you.

John took the bag hanging in the closet door and pulled out some muffins in the tray. I took a little milk from the table next to the sink and then I saw John in front of me, unable to react, he buttered me on the cheek and licked me.

GINA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JOHN: You asked me

GINA: I never did.

JOHN: Your subconscious failed at The Cavern.

I thought he wouldn't remember after the binge.

GINA: I thought that alcohol had clouded your memory.

JOHN: I remember everything, everything - he pointed out - even when you took off my pants …

What a shame …

GINA: C'mon, give it up John, step up of your games, I'm sick, also , you have a girlfriend. - I said bluntly.

His face turned grim.

JOHN: I see you know it …

GINA: Yeah, I know, but not from you, isn't that unfortunate?

JOHN: You never asked me.

GINA: I didn't think it was necessary, treating me the way I never thought you had … How can you do that to Cynthia? What she lets you treat it?

JOHN: Don't refer to Cynthia neither talk about her - said menacingly.

I panicked.

JOHN: That concerns us, just me and her, the things aren't as easy as you think.

PAUL: I'm starving! Stop chatting and come here to eat something! - . Paul shouted.

We headed to the dining room with serious faces. Paul noticed and started a conversation.

PAUL: Hey Gina, on Thursday we'll act in the Casbah, just John and I, we'll be few people but will be fine.

GINA: Yeah, of course I'll tell to Bee and Jules.

PAUL: Great.

JOHN: Well, I'm already leaving, it's late …

PAUL: Really? Now you're living with Stu , you don't have to be worried about if Mimi scolded you by departure times.

JOHN: Yeah, but I'm tired - lied.

John had plans to go to art school now that he had finished high school, so he went to live with Stu, who will be his classmate, and thus be more free and away from the watchful eye of his Aunt Mimi.

John went and after a while I followed him.

GINA: Bye Paul.

PAUL: See you Gina.

I came home after dark. Mom was in the living room in the darkness, I went to say good night when I realized she was crying.

GINA: Mom, what happens? Why are you crying?

MOTHER: Gina love, I miss your father … still don't understand why he went away and left us alone … I love him so much …

Mom was really affected, I know how much she has loved and loves Dad, we were empty inside when he left us .

MOTHER: Gin ' be careful who you fall in love, men can make you happy, but he can really hurt you, take care honey.

GINA: Yes Mom, go to bed, sleep, tomorrow is another day.

MOTHER: No, I'll be here a while longer.

GINA: Ok, whatever, good night, I love you.

No answer.

The next morning I was to go to the hospital to make my annual review, but before, I went through Matthew Street to give a package to Robert, the owner of The Grapes, we became close friends since we had meet several times in the store of Penny Lane, - the shop where I saw John for the first time -.

I went down the main street, turned right, and there was, Matthew Street, with pubs closed up tight, who would say that at night the street is full of life. In the middle of the street, I saw a car parked, I could see that there were some people talking and laughing . As I approached I could see some people.

There were Shotton, Stu, Pete, John and … Cynthia.

John had his arm around her.

Watching them I felt a stab in my heart. Although I knew they were a couple, I've never seen them so close, officially dating, and in front of more people.

CYN: Hi Gina, how are you?

STU: Hi Gina! - Said effusively.

GINA: Hey guys, I'm fine, I'll give this package to Robert and then to the hospital.

CYN: Are you sick?

GINA: Oh no, only routine review.

STU: Ugh„ we want see that pretty face for a long time - said winking.

John didn't greet me when he saw me, and didn't said goodbye, he was head down all the time.

He could disguise a little - I thought.

After speaking with Robert and drink a quickly tea ,I went to my date at the hospital.

The Liverpool Heart and Chest Hospital was a little outside so I went by bus. Once there I went to the waiting room and I sat on it, the door opened.

It was Dot. He was dressed in his typical loose dress,a little pale and sweaty.

GINA: Dot!

DOT: Hello … Gina? She said gently, of course, we hadn't many dealings.

GINA: Yeah, how are you?

DOT: You can always be better. Excuse me, but I must go, I have a bit of a hurry, a pleasure Gina, bye.

He opened the door and left. Dot is nice.

- Miss Jones?

A nurse called my name .

I walked toward the stretcher.

- Wait a bit while I order the query before the doctor comes, he has had enough task with the previous visit.

- With Miss Dot?

- Yes, Dorothy, poor girl right? With the illusion that made it… she was so excited … I remember her coming to the weekly reviews …

- What happens?, is she sick?, Do the baby has a problem?

- No Darling …. I do not know if I should tell you without her permission … Ms. Dorothy lost the fetus.

I froze, Dot had spoken cordially to me just after abort her child … "You can always be better." I shrugged, I felt really bad for her, she would be shattered. What about Paul? Did he know something?.

I was thoughtfully to the way back home. I thought of the poor Dot, I thought I didn't want to go through that ever.

I thought about calling Paul, but it wasn't time.


	7. Chapter 7

That Tuesday was sunny. I spent the morning in the garden, Uncle Bill came to see us. Mom loved him, but he reminded her of dad too much because they were like two drops of water.

In those days everyone was in the street, and specially students since the school was over. Every evening the girls and I went for a walk, and shoping , but only to take a look, I couldn't buy anything. I was saving the money that my mother gave me each week to go on a trip to Amsterdam, . Dad told me a lot of that city, and my dream was to go there someday.

I thought about Paul and Dot. I also thought on John … how much I missed him … How could I miss him so much after how badly he had treated me? I didn't know, but those were my feelings.

Thursday finally arrived . I was with the girls at the Albert Dock to go together to the Casbah.

Once there , we went to the pub. It was very small, with wooden walls and low ceiling. In the background there was some people, and we headed there.

The boys had already started playing. They were all, Stu and the others, Cynthia also , and some Quarrybank mates who I didn't know. We sat where we were able to see Paul and John with their guitars. They sounded really good, the two of them, without the noise of The Cavern and the drum sound out of step. Yes, Pete didn't play very well, but his family were the owners of the casbah.

They finished the song, and Paul became aware of our presence. He took a sip of whiskey.

PAUL: Come on guys, let these ladies a site please! - Joked.

Then , the boys made a hole in the front row. We should be a scant fifteen people.

I crossed my eyes with John and I managed to say "Hi" with my lips only, without speaking. He responded similarly accompanied by a nod.

They started with another song, the atmosphere was very intimate, increasingly more animated . We were singing all the songs they sang, together, between rounds of whiskey, Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry, Elvis,. I swear I had a great time.

I saw that Paul was drinking more than he used to. At one point, Shotton approached to warn him to stop drinking, although he ignored him.

John also drank a lot, but that was normal.

JOHN: Well, ladies and gentleman, then ,please join us on stage Ms.B … Gina - Was he going to say ? - , to delight us with a theme.

GINA: In your dreams John!

PAUL: Come on Gina, I lend you my guitar. Or would you rather play the small ukulele of Stu to big Mccartney guitar? - said clearly with another intention

Everyone laughed and I got up on my site.

GINA: Shut up and bring me that guitar McCartney!

PAUL: Your wish is my command MyLady , don't break it!

Why the hell I had accepted? I was in front of all those people staring at me waiting to sing something decent. Earth swallow me - I thought.

I caught air and I started singing "Till There Was You" by Peggy Lee. ( watch?v=YCbd6pxmVHY)

It was a slow song, so everyone was relaxed and stopped to listen. At first I had my gaze between the ground and my fingers while playing chords. At one point I looked up and there was Paul, in his thoughts, I don't know if he was amazed or in that inert state like the drunkenness of John, but stared at me.

I finally finished singing , my bad time of day was over . I gave the guitar to John, and at that time our hands touched, we spent a few seconds longer than necessary to bring the guitar to the other.

JOHN: Well, it seems that Ms. Jones loves classic and cheesy songs - he scoffed.

GINA: It seems that Mr. Lennon also likes - I said winking.

Yes, that was a sign of flirtation. But how could I help it? I Never would have nothing with John, but I felt a great attraction for him, and it was obvious that the same thing happened to John, but Cynthia was there, his faithful and perfect girlfriend with whom I couldn't compete.

He smiled.

The small concert ended. The boys left their instruments and sat with all spending the night drinking and joking.

John was in a corner with Cynthia fondling and kissing her blatantly in my face, occasionally looking over Cyn shoulder to me purposely , - did he want me jealous?. - Well he did. I couldn't see them or I would end up pulling my gin on his head.

GINA: Jules , where's the bathroom?

JULES Enter through that tiny door, you'll see a narrow staircase going up, there you will see a balcony, go out and in one side you will see a glass door that goes to a small sink, get your coat because it's cold up there.

GINA: Thank's.

I went upstairs and then to the bathroom. As expected, it was cold, and ,ignoring Jules , I went there with my sundress unconsciously.

I left the bathroom to the balcony, I went back to the stairs, but I had to back off because Paul was up for it and we couldn't pass both at once because it was to close.

PAUL: Now , every time I hear "Till There Was You" I'll think of you, we could sing a duet , someday…

I smiled.

The next day I woke up with a headache, but I remembered everything. I was in front of the mirror, I wet my face to wake me. Cold water cleared me a bit, even though my pasty mouth reminded me what happened last night. I ran a finger over my lips, I thought of John and ….

I brushed my teeth and went to the kitchen for breakfast. Mom was gone, but had left a note on the kettle: "I went to buy some things, see you later."

I burned my tongue with tea. I was very distracted, didn't realize that the tea was boiling. I ate some cookies and a muffin , without butter of course.

I was upset with john, of overnight , he pass from despising and ignoring me, try to make me jealous kissing his girlfriend in front of me. Lennon No, stop.

I wanted to be away from him, but I couldn't. So I thought coldly and thought I could try to pay attention to Stu, he had always been very kind to me and it was obvious that he liked me.

* At the phone *

GINA: Stu?

JOHN: No, I'm John,

Shit, I didn't remember that they lived together . Should I pretend to be someone else? No,I shouldn't hide myself .

GINA: Hi John, I'm Gina, could you pass the phone to Stu , please?

He was silent.

JOHN: Uh … yeah, yeah.

STU: Gina Darling, I didn't expected your call, pleasant surprise - said excited.

Am I making a mistake?

GINA: Hey Stu - I swallowed nervously and hesitantly - I was wondering if … I don't know … maybe someday you'd want to go for a ride , to the movies or … who knows.

I've said it! - I was waiting for his reply.

STU: Of course! When? Where?

GINA: Well, I dunno.

STU: Tomorrow at 7, At Calderstone's?

I had said one of these days ….

GINA: Uh, well, okay, see you there at 7.

The next morning I was restless, I felt that it was a mistake. I expected to be sufficiently attentive for Stu and not think on John or … anything else.

At 7:00 I was at the gates of the Calderstone will think that I'm desperate to see him! He is late, should I give him a try being inpuntual on our first date? . Come Gina, it's only been five minutes, I told myself.

Stu arrived with his best plant. Quiff, black shirt, leather pants and his characteristics boots. I have to recognize that I said inside: WOW!

STU: Hello Gina, you look beautiful.

GINA: Hi Stu, you're not bad either.

He leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, closer to the lips than the cheek.

We headed to the park to sit on the grass. We could hear the birds, without noise, we were alone, we only saw two elderly ladies passing with a cart.

We talked about Stus projects. It was common knowledge that he was a great artist and he had a great talent. He invited me to see his work someday. We were having a good time.

Stu was getting closer, I could see his intentions clearly. - Did I Want to go so fast? -

STU: Oh, I suppose you have noticed my attraction for you …

GINA: Oh yeah …

STU: It was so evident… - Said sheepishly.

GINA: A little - I said smiling in complicity.

Then Stu bowed as he had done before, but this time he gave me a short and polite kiss on the lips.

I blushed, I didn't expected any kiss at that moment. He parted her lips and looked at me.

STU: Now , Do you like John a little less ?

GINA: I don't like John…

I averted my eyes from Stu for a second and I saw some heads peered behind some bushes, there were about 4 people. I recognized George and Pete.

Stu would have told them and they were there to check. It would be certain than John was spying to see what his friend Stu was making to with me. I reminded of the night in the casbah and the "strategy of jealousy", so I decided to return it in the same way.

I turned my eyes to Stu. I approached him and I planted a kiss on his lips. Judging by his face , he didn't expect such a response from me. He smiled with an air of satisfaction taking me by the waist and approaching me towards him.

I started kissing him repeatedly, our tongues were melted in our mouths. We did it for a few minutes and I must admit that I liked. But, what pushed me to kiss him so passionately was my fit of anger, jealousy or perhaps the mental image of John and Cynthia that night.

Oh John …

What would John think after seeing us? I didn't want him to fight with Stu again, but it would hurt his indifference, since that would mean he didn't care.

Stu walked me home, it was far from his apartment, but he did it without problems. Stu looked happy, but I felt that I was deceived him, I liked Stu, but I didn't feel the same feeling in my chest like seeing John.

STU: Well Gina, I know how you feel about John and you know how I feel about you. I will not force you to do anything you don't want, It won't be anything formal between us if you don't want but .. give me a chance to go out from time to time … and who knows …

GINA: Sure , whenever you want, that's why I called you, I'm fine with you, I'm tired of john, and I shouldn't be much with Paul, you know, Dot is very jealous and people talk… Speaking of Dot …

STU: She's fine, I saw her a few days ago, but Paul… , he's not the same. He started to drink heavily and have a look very … he seems lost. You should talk to him.

He said goodbye with a sweet kiss on the lips.


	8. Chapter 8

I really wanted to talk to Paul, I han't seen him since … since that night at the Casbah, but I had to keep distance, he would be with to Dot more than ever. They Needed time to be alone together after what happened,

thinking about Paul, I remembered the day I met him with George in that meadow , in Speke, so I decided to go back there, I had nothing better to do.

I took the bike toward the meadow, I crossed the grass watching and feeling the fresh air on my face, Liverpool can be so beautiful in a sunny day … I got into a group of houses , I was immersed in my thoughts when I didn't realized a small gap and I fell off my bike.

Miraculously, I didn't get a scratch, but I was a great one of the houses came a cat at top speed followed by … George.

George lived in Speke, but I had never gone in his home. He came with a big laugh, laughing.

GEORGE: Finally , you've really fallen! - Crying with laughter.

GINA: It seems….bah, don't laugh ! - I sat on the wax and George stood beside me.

What skinny is George ! - I thought

GINA: I love Speke, you should be fine here.

GEORGE: Yes, I love it, but sometimes I get a little lazy to do such a long way to go downtown. I don't understand why the guys come to rehearse here.

We were talking nonsense for quite awhile until George changed the subject.

GEORGE: So , Have you recovered all the saliva you lost the other day at the park with Stu?

Shit.

GINA: Can you tell me what were you doing behind the bushes?

GEORGE: We needed to prove that you had finally hunted Stu

-Laughs-

GINA: Well George, I'm leaving .

GEORGE: OK, but wait, can you do me a favor?

GINA: Sure.

GEORGE: The other day , cyn forgot a handkerchief in my house and I can't give her back today because I have to stay with my mother. Would you mind stopping in her house and give it to her?

GINA: No problem, I'll go now.

GEORGE: Thank's, see you.

GINA: Bye George.

I grabbed my bike and I headed to the flat that she shared with Dot , they were neighbors of Brit and lived in the fourth floor.

I arrived at the building, I left my bike in the doorway and went upstairs.

- Shit, I don't know if it was the first or the second door. -

Took my chances, I called the doorbell at my right. Nobody answered so I went to the other door. Before calling, I heard Cynthia shouting from the other - Coming, wait a moment! -.

She took longer to open the door but finally did. She looked at me in great surprise, it was clear that she didn't expect any visit of mine.

CYN: Oh Gina, I thought you were the landlord, what a relief.

GINA: hehe, no, but you can pay me the rent if you want.

-Laughs -

CYN: Come in, please.

The flat was really small, there were a sofa in the living room which took up almost all, I was surprised by a huge pile of clothes on the floor. Cynthia was a girl that was always very elegant and seemed to be very neat and clean, what Why she put that pile of clothes there? Did those clothes belong to Dot ?

CYN: Can I offer you anything? A tea?

GINA: No thanks, I'm off now , George sent me to give you your handkerchief.

CYN: Oh, the scarf … I thought I'd lost it, thank you very much.

GINA: No problem.

CYN: By the way … is it true that you're dating with Stu?

Oh god, Stu has lblabbed

GINA: Well, don't get the wrong idea … we have nothing, we have date only once and …

CYN: …. you have kissed him

I hadn't a lot of confidence with Cynthia, I didn't know whether to tell her.

GINA: Well, uh … yeah.

Then, the doorbell rang.

CYN: Excuse me a moment please.

Cyn opened the door and Paul. was on the other side.

PAUL: Hi Cyn, can I see Dot?

His hair had grown and he had no toupee, he was very different, but he looked good. He went to the livingroom.

PAUL: Oh Gina - said surprised - not expecting you here.

GINA: Nobody expected me - I smiled to Cyn.

PAUL: Well girls, forgive me but I must talk to Dot.

No problem - we said in unison.

Cyn and I were sitting on the couch when I distinctly heard a sneeze from the clothes.

From under the heap , John appeared very suffocated.

JOHN: Damn, it's so hot and how much dust!

CYN: Oops, sorry Gina, John hid thinking you were the landlady , she doesn't allow boys on the flat.

GINA: Oh, don't worry.

CYN: Maybe you didn't want John to know about stu, forgive my indiscretion.

GINA: No matter, John knew, he was with the boys spying on Thursday in the park , isn't it?

JOHN: What? I knew nothing, I was at home all day .

Shit.

GINA: Oh, I see …

John got up from the floor and kissed her.

JOHN: Well Cyn , honey, I'm , I'm going to dinner with Gina's boyfriend

GINA: He's not my boyfriend.

John left.

CYN: I'm really sorry - repeatedly apologized.

I was about to leave when Paul came very seriously, he hurried to the door to leave.

GINA: Paul, I'm leaving too, I'll walk you.

PAUL: No. - said dryly, but then softened his tone - We come in opposite directions.

We always went in opposite directions but came back together. What was wrong?

Paul closed the door quickly and I could hear him down the stairs.

At that point , Dot left her bedroom with his eyes full of tears , crying inconsolably.

CYN: Dot , what happens?

DOT: Paul, my Paulie … left me Cyn, he has cut with me …

CYN: How can it be? That's impossible!

DOT: It seems not … he says he loves me a lot but he isn't in love with me … oh, how can I live without him?

CYN: everything will work out.

DOT: I'm sure that he has cut with me because I'm wearing these horrible baggy pants , not expecting him to come.

CYN: No dear, you're looking beautiful …

Dot was shattered.

Too much information for me. Paul had cut with Dot and John was not spying in the park that day.

I spent some days focusing on my stuff, being with the girls, planning my trip to Amsterdam and preparing my muffins stand to the festival , on Friday.

The festival was celebrated in the courtyard of the church, there were several stops with food, games and music. I got up early to get dressed and make muffins.

My stand were next to an old Irish who was selling pendants. He changed one of them for a muffin and we talked for a while.

Everyone was there that day. Bee and the girls came from time to time to chat and steal some food, Shotton and John were also looking at some jugglers gawking.

Mom came to visit my stand.

MOTHER: Honey, I can relieve you if you want, so you can go for a walk around the ponds.

GINA: Thanks Mom.

I went with the girls for a walk, I asked them to accompany me to Mikes stand, he was exhibiting some of his photographs.

GINA: Hey Mike, nice photos.

MIKE: Thanks Gina, how long..!

GINA: Yeah, Mike … could you give this note to Paul?

MIKE: He will come in a moment, he has gone for some juice, you can give it to him yourself.

GINA: Oh no, I prefer you to give him the note

MIKE: ok…

The note said "I miss you".

We went to the jugglers, . Shotton and Bee was dating and she wanted to go with him, Pete had joined them and Jules went immediately with him too , they had a strange relationship, I never asked.

Unwittingly , John and I were relegated to the side, It was very forced.

John looked at me askance. He smelled great and he looked calm that morning, I didn't see Cynthia nowhere.

John looked back at me and grabbed my arm leading me to a secluded spot on the other side of the church, near the wall.

I should get rid of him, but honestly, I didn't care him to take me by force.

He stood before me.

JOHN: Do you like Stu?

GINA: I think it's the second time that you ask me this.

I had a deja vu.

JOHN: DO YOU LIKE HIM?

GINA: Come on John, what do you care? No, I don't like him.

JOHN: why did you kiss him ?

GINA: Do you mind?

JOHN: You said I would be the first guy who you will kiss in Liverpool.

GINA: I said maybe. Moreover, it's no longer valid, I said it when I thought you didn't have a girlfriend.

JOHN: "maybe" is not a NO, it was a promise, and promises are fulfilled.

Now Stu is the first boy who you've kissed in Liverpool , that boy should be me …

GINA: Well, not really …

JOHN: How?

I gulped, and finally told him.

GINA: Actually, the first was … **Paul.**


	9. Chapter 9

JOHN: Are you kidding?

GINA: No …

JOHN: I don't want to know nothing, nothing more. - Said with some pain.

I could feel John took it really badly, Paul was his friend, almost his brother.

GINA: John , I …

John went to the bustle again without looking back, I was alone and desolate. My weak knees buckled until it touched the ground and I broke to mourn.

I felt a sense of emptiness and anguish, I didn't want to lose to John, ans I didn't understand his reaction, he loved cyn, and so he did see me many times, I knew he liked me, but … well enough to react like this?

God knows how much I cried that evening …

_PAUL: Now , every time I hear "Till There Was You" I'll think of you, we could sing a duet , someday…_

_I smiled._

_GINA: It will be a pleasure, McCartney._

_PAUL: I liked when you called me "Paulie"_

_GINA: OK Paulie. By the way … how are you? after what happened with Dot …_

_Paul drank a lot that night, he smelled of whiskey, rum and gin perhaps, what else he mixed?_

_PAUL: It's all shit, Ginie - drawled, Paul never said bad sounding words, so. I was surprised - I don't love her, you know? It was all about the baby … well, Yes, I love her, but I'm not in love, no, it was a teenage love, now I look for something else, something that fills me._

_Alcohol turns him philosophical - I thought._

_GINA: I understand, that's what I want too, I haven't found yet ._

_PAUL: I think you have already found, in John, you are in love with John_

_What? IN LOVE , with all the letters. I felt something strong for him, but love…I don't know _

_GINA: I dunno, I don't think so…_

_Paul stared at me intently._

_PAUL: I want to kiss you - said without thinking._

_Kiss me? Wait! That was totally out of context for me, Paul wanting to kiss me, Yes, Paul, my friend, the sweet Paul who I told my headaches by John. HIM._

_GINA: what? Oh Paul, you've drunk a lot …_

_PAUL: not Paul , Paulie …_

_Paul took my hand gently stroking his fingers with mine. We were on the balcony in the dark, just us, illuminated by the moon and the dim light of an old bulb. He walked slowly towards me until our bodies touched, I could feel his heartbeat on my chest and his heat, Paul was so warm … with his free hand stroked my hair following down my cheek and chin._

_He brought his face to mine, I could feel him close to me. Without rejecting him, he finally kissed me, very slowly … he gave me a long, warm kiss. How sweet was Paul … I melted. A chill ran through my body, my arms had almost paralyzed , but I raised them to match Paul._

_Paul ended the kiss and pulled out a few inches still looking at me, the hand that was holding mine happened to surround my waist. We were facing each other, his brown eyes didn't stopped looking at me and I kissed him in response. This time Paul corresponded me with a kiss as above, but he continued to play with my lips until he started playing with my tongue. .He tasted like whiskey, but I didn't care. I was immersed in Paul. All my concerns disappeared during the time we were kissing, I couldn't believe I was there with Paul, so comfortable, leaving me by her lips and losing myself in his parfum._

_PAUL: What am I to do? - He whispered._

_GINA: For now, kiss me._

_And he did. On that moment , I didn't want anyone or anything bother us, I didn't feel that way for a long time. I felt a great connection with John. and Paul dissipated all my thoughts about John while we were on that balcony._

_Suddenly, Paul jerked up to the railing, leaned over and started vomiting nonstop._

_I went to get the boys to bring him home. John went to the balcony to see Paul , and I lowered my head in shame for what had just happened. Why?_

The days passed slowly. I was deeply sad. I had not heard of John since the day of the festival … nor Paul.

I've screwed up - I thought. I broke my friendship with Paul, and if I had hopeful to have something with John, I could forget about it.

I spent the afternoons at home, at times I went to Jules house, or George came to see me reporting everything.I stopped to date with Stu, we both realized it was stupid and stopped seeing each other, yet we were friends, he knows how much I love him.

It was early summer, and in two weeks the boys were going to Hamburg. They would play at a pub called Kaiserkeller in district. To go there , they changed their name to The Silver Beetles, and Shotton finally left the group joining Pete Best on drums.

On Friday they would give their last concert at The Cavern before leaving, but I had no strength to see them again. I would go to Amsterdam Soon and to clear my problems.

Some mornings, when I woke up, I turned over in bed, thinking about that night on the balcony of the casbah … didn't know if Paul's kisses were brought about by alcohol or if it really came from within him. Since that day I thought more on Paul, he went from being my confidant to be the first boy I ever kissed in Liverpool, him, not John.

As Bee and Jules said, I liked both, but neither of the boys were for me.

That Thursday I went to Speke, George called me to visit him.

I made my way to speke as usual, I never got tired of going there, however far it was.

Entering home of George I saw that he was accompanied by Stu, they greeted me and got serious.

GEORGE: Hey Gina, we will go to Hamburg soon … you no longer come to play poker at Stu's or to concerts, what happens?

GINA: Guys.,. How much I miss you … well, the thing is, I guess I can't see you leave the city . - I lied, but was half true.

STU: You will be greatly missed Ginie - said fondly - but we want to spend the last days with people we appreciate. we will be there only the summer months , at the moment, but who knows …

GINA: I know, I know … - I would die if I saw the Lennon-McCartney duet again.

GEORGE: Come tomorrow night, do it for me, do it for Stu!

STU: Or… for Jules, Pete will leave with us and she needs you to be there.

GINA: Ok guys, I'll be there …-I swallowed.

We hugged, I said goodbye and left the house with a lump in the breast. The next day I would had to face me to them. How can I even look at them?

I couldn't sleep much that night, I woke up with a terrible dark circles.

-I will take leave of the boys with my worst look- , but it didn't matter,- I don't care what them to think of me … -

It was 20:00 pm when Jules knocked on my door. He was excited about the concert but visibly affected by the departure of Pete to Germany.

That night , I let my hair down and brushed it. I put a very thin red strapless blouse, tight black pants and my boots.

JULES : Let's go Gina, or we'll be late.

I didn't go to The Cavern since the first day I saw the Quarrymen … good times - I thought.

We arrived at The Cavern.

Upon entering the place was crowded, and I could see the guys about to go on stage, leather and more leather.

John was energetic, he looked happy and relaxed, Paul, smiling beside him.

George began to sing Roll Over Beethoven and at that time all my concerns disappeared, I started dancing like crazy from one place to another.

The boys, now The Silver Beetles, would become famous , I was sure about that„ and I would miss them a lot, I would miss them terribly… each and every one of them.

The concert ended with applause and cheers , John kept making faces and Pete threw his drumsticks to the public. They left the stage surrounded by girls, as was becoming usual.

Jules lunged to Pete and kissed him passionately. Poor girl - I thought, she will spend many weeks without seeing him.

Stu approached me and gave me a big hug lifting me off the ground.

STU: You've came! Great, tonight, the owner invites , so drink all you want, Let's celebrate our last show!

I embraced him warmly.

The atmosphere was perfectly festive. All were laughing and joking, An end was nearing , but we forget it for a few hours and were more united than ever.

I checked my watch, it was 4 am, the night was passing very fast. I raised my head and saw Paul in front of me.

Without saying anything he took out a small piece of paper of his sleeve and put it in my hand.

PAUL: Take it - and he rejoined with the rest.

It was a folded paper, wet from his sweat .

I opened it and I read the note I sent to Mike to give it to Paul, "I miss you", to which Paul had answered below "Me too." He had kept the note until today.

I was very happy. Paul also missed me, and it seemed that my worries were in vain.

The ownerasked us to leave it was time to close.

We walked up the stairs like a herd to meet everyone at the exit.

We were Bee, Shotton, Pete, Paul, Jules, George, Brit, John, Stu and myself.

BEE: I'll miss you guys, watch out for the German girls!

GEORGE: Oh yes, be quiet, we'll take care of them.

-Laughs -

We were joking for a while, we didn't want say goodbye, but the sun was rising and it was time to say goodbye.

We hugged each other in silence, my last hug was for John. It was the first time I hugged him and I felt that I didn't want to let him go. John pressed me strongly , I could feel his breath near my ear. "I will miss Ms. Butter … a lot " said softly, "And I'll miss you, John."

Our words were 100% sincere for the first time, without ridicule, without reproach, was what we felt at the time, we couldn't be together, but neither separate, it would be hard for us, or at least for me.

I got rid of the embrace of John, it was time to let him go, his dark gaze walked away in the silence of the morning.

**John …**

I couldn't react, he let me broken inside again.

Finally, the girls went home by bus, but I preferred to walk. It was a very cold morning and I still had not slept. My ears still rang with the sound of guitars and I still could feel the embrace of John on my skin.

Before I got home I sat on the bench at the end of the street. The neighborhood was quiet as it was very early, the grass was covered with the dew in the morning and Liverpool was bathed in unusual tranquility.

I cried.


	10. Chapter 10

**phone call **

MOTHER: Yes, yes … please, I don't know what else to do, she has been three days without leaving her room … you better come, I hope you can do something. Yeah … aha … of course … I hope, yes, thank you very muchagain. Bye honey, yes, yeah, bye.

I was sitting by the window watching the scenery. The streets were full of life, I could sense a gentle summer breeze and a warm temperature for walking.

But I didn't want to go out, no. I didn't want to see anything that reminded me of John … It had been three days since he left and the idea of not seeing him in three months was eating me inside. I felt a deep anguish in the chest remembering the last image I had of him going away in front of me in Matthew Street.

I could send a letter, but … The possibility the possibility of no response made me sad, I still didn't understand the feelings of John …

While I was immersed in my thoughts someone opened the door quietly. can I come in?

It was Bee. Bee was gorgeous, her red hair shone in summer and I must admit I was a little jealous if I compared it with my look of the black widow …

GINA: Bee, what joy to see you …

BEE: You make a face, honey, come, sit on the bed.

Bee at on the bed and I stood beside him.

GINA: How is Shotton?

BEE: Well, well. But I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not here to talk about it.

I was afraid of that…

GINA: Uh ..

BEE: Your mother called me. she said you're like a lost soul in the house and you don't want to tell her what's wrong.

GINA: Mom has already enough problems missing Dad, you know … you know why I'm like this.

BEE: Yes, and that's enough! Gina C'mon, are you going be like this three months? I don't want to see you like this, John is not worth. He only caused you pain and more pain … you should have stayed with Stu …

GINA: You know my feelings are not the same to Stu than to Paul … oh, I mean, John - ¡big mistake! -

BEE: ¿Paul? Oh Gina … Do you have to tell me something?

I had to tell her.

BEE: Well, let me understand. You kissed the best friend of John… And you didn't displease …

GINA: Bee, don't judge me … it's true that I feel attracted to both, and with Paul , I might have something to but …. I know that John would be furious….

BEE: John shouldn't say anything, you go to bed with who you want! - To bed? Bee Eh, not so fast! - You are suffering for him as he should be drunk without thinking of you in Hamburg - that hurt me, but it was true.

GINA: But what does it matter now? There aren't here…. - I broke to mourn -. You don't know how much I miss them … I need to see the face of John, hug Paul … I don't care what we have between us, just need them here beside me. - Bee hugged me visibly excited.

BEE: Gina , be strong, you know they miss you too. In three weeks Jules will go to Hamburg to see Pete, you can tell her a message for them or you can send a letter at any time, is not so far away as it seems.

Bee was right. They were many kilometers but they were here in my heart.

Bee's visit helped me to smile again, I couldn't let the summer days pass without enjoying them , also , I will go to Amsterdam soon , finally!

That Sunday morning I went to church. I stopped going to church since dad left us and returned for the first time. Arriving at the church I saw the wall where I and John talked the day of the festival … - No, no! Enough! - I told myself shaking my head.

The Mass was as boring as ever, but something had to occupy my time.

The Mass ended and I went to talk to Robert at the exit.

There I could see Dot with his mother. I went over to say hello.

GINA: Hi Dot, how are you?

DOT: Getting better - said visibly happy

GINA: I'm glad - I said sincerely

DOT: Hey … Have you heard from the boys?

GINA: No … nothing.

DOT: Ops … I thought you were in contact with them, no matter.

GINA: Oh, do you miss … Paul?

DOT: Paul? No. - said changing the expression on his face - now he is doing what he always wanted, sleeps with three girls a night there in Germany, drinking, smoking and flirting, this is Paul.

GINA: Oh, don't say that, he's young and likes to have fun, but he's not that kind of guy - Dot seemed very resentful of him -.

DOT: I don't know, a few days after the abortion of our son, he was at the casbah , drinking, as if nothing had happened . Also … John told me that he was much of the night with a girl.

John again. He was always getting in the middle of everything… What do he pretentd?

GINA: Oh, I'm sorry …

DOT: quiet, who it should be ashamed is that girl, Paul was my fiance … - suddenly seemed saddened.

GINA: Dot C'mon, don't worry about it anymore, is the past, you deserve to be happy and you will be. -

DOT: YES … I guess.

GINA: I gotta go, take care.

DOT: Goodbye Gina - said recovering smiling.

I know that I maybe should feel bad for meddling in their relationship, but in fact, I think their relationship was broken for a long time …

As the days passed, each day I was better. I have to admit that I crossed out the days until to see them again.

MOTHER: Ginie , you've received an envelope - I heard my mom say from the dining room.

My heart began to thump … would be …?

Quickly, I went downstairs to get the envelope of Mom's hand to get back up running.

I lay down on the bed and ripped the envelope.

It was a postcard from George. Ok, I didn't expect to be George … but also filled me with happiness.

_"Dear Gina,_

_I promised that I would write and so I did._

_Everything is good here. Germany is not so cold in summer (like the girls)._

_We live together a large room behind a movie screen, we charge very little but we had a great time. _

_We've met a very nice photographer, Astrid, all the guys looked at it at first, but it seems that she chose Stu._

_John is unleashed, it seems as if he had never drunk beer in his life and Paul seems another person._

_I run out of space postcard, so I end here._

_We miss you, take care._

_Love, Harrison "_

ASRTID?! Yes, I had a fit of jealousy …. The boys were having a great time in Hamburg, but I wouldn't know what they were doing there. Well, I didn't know, but just think of the German horny girls in search of a gallant English … I was going crazy.

I needed to hear from my favorite teddy boys, so I bought three postcards and wrote them.

My first letter was for John.

_"__Funking__ Dear John,_

_How are you? I don't want you to get used to this but : I miss you. I imagine you'll be drunk, chasing blonde girls all nights, (you're obsessed with blondes!) And doing the thug on the streets of …_

_I hope you come back soon … I thinkweI still have many things to talk about. Liverpool is boring without you, and I need my staff clown._

_A hug., .. and a kiss._

_ . "_

Was it right to send a letter like this to a guy with a girlfriend?

Another was to Paul:

_"Paulie,_

_How are you?_

_The other day I went to see Mike and we drank iced tea … isn't the same without you. Hope you're having a great time. George told me that you don't look the same person … I want to see it with my own eyes!_

_I still have the paper yoy gave at The Cavern before saying goodbye, I read it from time to time and think of you …_

_Still pending our duet._

_Come back …,_

_Gina. "_

And finally to George:

_"Letter to :_

_Georgie!_

_Behave yourself! Enjoy your stay in Hamburg, I'm sure you'll remember forever._

_Take care of Pete, Jules missed him a lot and she will make him a surprise visiting him in two weeks, aren't they adorable?_

_I need my skiffle band back in Liverpool now!_

_I love you, you know._

_Gina. '_

I closed envelopes and threw it to the mailbox. They would arrive in about 4 or 5 days, so I expected his answer in a week or week and a half.


	11. Chapter 11

Most of Sunday I was organizing my clothes to go to Amsterdam. Missing two weeks but I was too impatient. It was summer but I also needed a jacket in case I encountered a cold day. What weather would have there? My jacket was a disaster ,was missing a button and I had it for five years. Could borrow money for a new to mom, but I decided to take my savings. With what little money I had left after buying the ticket to Amsterdam I wanted to buy a new guitar, but I would have to wait a little longer. I took the money I had in my purse and I headed for the center, I should hurry before the store closing.

I went to Mrs. Eleanor's store where had the most fashionable clothes, knowing that my economy was so bad.

Upon entering I headed straight to the sign of 'offer'. There were a few cute jackets but had some worthy of a bum too. I stared at them for a while.

Should I spend my budget? While I was immersed in my thoughts I heard someone talking behind me :

- It seems that these prices are not for the working class, ah?

At the turn around I saw Cynthia, impeccable as always and wearing a navy blue and white set.

GINA: It seems not … Are you going to buy one?

CYN: Yes, Is said that Germany is so cold and I must go prepared

GINA: oh … you will see John , I guess

CYN: yes - said with a smirk of love - I have really wanted to see him …. And I guess that he also want to see me

I also missed him …

GINA: George told me he's having a great time

CYN: I know, but I have something that only me can give it to him - said with a wink.

Just her? Holy innocence ….

GINA: So, John will be very happy - I laughed falsely , burning inside with envious

CYN: Well, you want me to help you choose a coat?

I felt uncomfortable looking for clothes precisely with John's girlfriend, but I knew that if she could help me, would be better.

GINA: Yes, please.

We spent quite a while, none of the coats seemed appropriate until Cyn Showed me a perfect red coat . - this - I said.

CYN: Well Gina, I must go now, I left a letter from John at home waiting to be read.

Would he have written to me too?

GINA: Ok, see you Cynthia, thanks.

Cyn: Bye!

I paid the coat and I hurried home to go directly to the mailbox.

Quickly , I opened it but it was empty. I went to the dining room to see if mom had picked up the mail and dropped on the table as usual, but I only found some paper and a pen. Disappointed I went to my room to hang my coat when I saw two envelopes perfectly placed on my bed. My heart skipped a leap.

Mom left them there.

I closed the door and grabbed the envelopes throwing on the bed to read quietly and without interruptions.

I was anxious to read John's letter first.

_"Fucking Dear , Ms. Butter,_

_I wasn't expecting a letter from you at all, but I must admit that I liked._

_I don't understand your false statement about my supposed obsession with blondes, if I remember well I liked some brown hair girls, isn't it?_

_I also miss bother you from time to time … And I'm sure we have MANY things to talk about, and I can't wait to do it._

_We are all okey,_

_I take your kiss and I send you another, hope to give it to you in person._

_John "_

If Bee had seen my face when I read "hope to give it to you in person" would make one of her typical comments to make me look ridiculous, but … he had taken the trouble to write me and that was a lot for me. I was brimming with a feeling of wellbeing but then a little worried about the game we were playing, me and John , was it right?

Cynthia was looking forward to see him, while he was saying me things like that …

I kept John's letter under the pillow and taked the other. There was no name on the envelope, only Sweet silver Beetle.

_"Hi Gina,_

_We are enjoying Hamburg a lot, although I must admit that sometimes we are so tired that we can only be thrown on the bed._

_Stu is starting to leave the band a part for their summer affair with Astrid, I don't give them more than 5 months._

_Don't worry for Pete, he's talking all day about Jules, indeed, I think that one of these days I'll put a bottle in his mouth to quiet him._

_I hope that Liverpool is like as we left ._

_Give my love to the girls and enjoy your trip to Amsterdam , you see? I remember it._

_Kisses,_

_George "_

I was really happy for Stu and Astrid, he deserves the best and maybe deep down I feel guilty for using him to make John jealous, which didn't work …

There were only 2 letters. That meant that Paul hadn't written to me … but why? I thought we solved the misunderstandings at The Cavern after he gave me the note, "I miss you too."

I preferred to believe that his letter had been lost on the trip or anything else that the fact that how much I missed him and that he didn't respond.

Jules was thrilled to see Pete, she looked so happy and inspired me some tenderness and jealousy at the same time. All the girls were paired and I was caught between a nasty and tempting teddy boy and a sweet and (now) somber guitarist . Good picture …

It was two days to go to Hamburg . Jules and I were alone because Bee was on holiday in Scotland. We went to the field near the suburbs to watch the training school of the mounted police. As there was a fenced enclosure, we climbed a tree to see better. We used to go there because it was a nice place and we were able to have good views of young scousers.

JULES: What good day ah?

GINA: Yeah

JULES: I'm nervous about going to Germany … first of all, because I've never traveled alone, and … I have a fear of meeting Pete different from the guy who left Liverpool last month.

GINA: Don't worry, George says he doesn't stop talking about you all day …

JULES: Oh, he said that? seriously ?

GINA: Yes!

JULES: Oh … that's reassuring. You see, before he left … Pete asked me to go to Yew Tree to show me the house he had inherited from his uncle.

He said he wanted to make love to me before he left but … oh Gina, you know what I mean … if I refused and he still wanted to be with me It would mean that he really mattered.

GINA: Aha, and … did you do it?

JULES: No, I refused. Was I wrong?

GINA: Of course not!

JULES: I want to check if he really want to be with me or if is just a temporary romance, if he loves me he'll wait for his return to Liverpool or … in two days.

How clever and romantic was Jules at the same time .

From time to time, the sunny day turned gray, it started to rain and we went to our respective homes under the rain. I carried a small bag on my head that even saved me from getting wet from top to bottom.

I went home, leaving a trace of water in the hall and went to the bathroom. I took off my clothes and put on my pijama although being very early, our house smelled of Edge Hill, I would miss the smell during the summer after my departure.

I put the record player, sounded "No milk today" ( watch?v=LesWfbkJJlQ) and sat on the desk, tired and a bit chilly because of my wet hair ready to answer the letters of the boys, well, only to John and George … I felt sad when I remembered that Paul hadn't replied me .

I took my chair back, thinking where to start. Then I thought about what Jules had told on Pete, her intentions and what she planned to do. "if he loves me he'll wait for me"

That made me think. John had confessed that he liked me and even rejecting him, our fights, having a girlfriend and my story with Paul… he was still there, dangerously interested in me.

Really?, Was he interested in me? . That idea terrified me and I liked it. But I had to find out it ,I wanted to know if John actually played with me or he really had feelings for me.

Feelings …

_** phone call **_

JULES: Hello?

GINA: Hi Jules, hey, at what time are you leaving to Hamburg?

JULES: At 5 am on Friday. What about you?

GINA: At 5 am on Friday.

JULES: Don't you were leaving on Monday?

GINA: No, **I'm going to Hamburg with you.**


	12. Chapter 12

Definitely, I was going crazy. I canceled my trip to Amsterdam to go to Hamburg just 2 days before I left. I didn't tell Mom , knowing that I would give her a great disappointment, she had to put up with me for years saying that my dream was to go to Amsterdam.

I was scared, didn't know what I would find,it had been a month since the last time I saw the guys, what if things were different? I couldn't wait to hug George and see those rabbit teeth of Paul . why he didn't respond? I spent hours going around in my head trying to figure out why Paul might be upset with me and I found no answer , Did I say something wrong?

Now I could just wait for the day of our departure, take a breath and take things once and for all.

At 3 in the morning the alarm went off. Despite my nerves this time I could sleep peacefully. I already had all my clothes and my suitcase ready to go as fast as possible, so I grabbed my passport, I put on my new coat and I left.

Jules was waiting at the train station with everything ready, it would be a long trip so she brought some fish & chips for the road.

The train noise kept me awake until reaching London and that which set me very nervous, luckily, we get to the airport to take the air and recover from bad the trip.

The plane departed for Berlin this afternoon, Jules and I were talking the whole trip and planning what we would do during our stay in Hamburg. At that moment I realized that if she wanted to spend the most time with Pete I would have to stay alone or with the boys. Jules was increasingly anxious to see Pete, with a little luck in 5 hours she could embrace him.

The plane arrived on time to Berlin. Once at the train station, Jules went to a cabin to call Pete, we didn't know Hamburg and it was better Pete to came for us .

Tired of all this traveling, we came back again to take a train, now, to Hamburg. Because of my exhaustion I slept all the way, it was night and our train was completely silent.

It was 23:30 p.m when we arrived at the station.

That night, though being summer was a little cold. I grabbed my coat and bag and I walked out of the train as I could because I had a spate of German soldiers behind in search of their families. Just outside we could see Pete with a bouquet of flowers, Jules went to him leaving me with her bags. She pounced on him and started kissing him strongly. It seemed that they hadn't seen each other in twenty years, I felt uncomfortable with such a scene. Finally they stopped and I could approach prudently.

GINA: Hi Pete!

PETE: Gina? What are you doing here? - Said with visible astonishment

GINA: surprise visit

PETE: Jules didn't warn me you were coming, you'll see the surprise surprise for the guys.

GINA: Oh, don't they know anything?

There was still time to repent and go back.

PETE: No. Jules will sleep in my room with George and Stu, I do not know where you going to sleep, you're a surprise guest!

GINA: What a problem …

PETE: Maybe Astrid can …

Pete was forced to finish the sentence before the incipient kiss of the impatient Jules, seemed a child!

Pete helped us lug our bags and got a taxi to the St. Pauli district. It was a neighborhood full of lights, people, casinos, sex shops, strip rooms and I suspect more than a brothel.

The boys lived just above the Star Club.

That night they didn't play, so they had the night off.

We left our stuff is a small community room on the first floor. The flat consisted of a community room with a sofa and table, facing four bedrooms,in two of them lived in the boys. Entering to a bedroom to snoop I could clearly see that it was the John one. There was his guitar, posters of half-naked girls, papers, clothes … looked like a pigsty … but he didn't sleep alone 'cause there were four beds, the others would be Paul's and someone else that I didn't know.

As I watched the big poster of Brigitte Bardot who had just discovered behind the door , Pete entered.

PETE: Gina, we've to be with the boys in fifteen minutes to drink a few beers, are you coming?

GINA: Absolutely.

Walking the streets of Hamburg, I still couldn't believe the madness that I had made up going to Germany. Everything was so different there, the buildings, the streets, even the people.

Pete nodded and we walked into a pub hidden behind a large column. It was dark and smelled of old wood and dust. Just entering there were a big table where I could see the boys. I began to breathe faster and I can even say that my legs trembled.

I Never forget the face of my teddy boys to see me.

GEORGE: But what the hell …?

GINA: Surprise visit!

I sat at the table hastily beside George, John was right in front of me, next to Stu with a blonde girl who I deduced was Astrid,

beside Paul and then George.

Pete and Jules were still with their own things in the front door. At first, I looked to John, he was sitting in front of me with a beer mug in his hands,he looked at me so deeply that he went through me completely.

We were watching each other until Astrid interrupted our connection, talking .

Astrid: Hi Girl, you must be Gina, I'm Astrid, a pleasure! - said effusive and with a strong German accent.

GINA: Yeah, that's me! So you're the famous Astrid who has dazzled Stu.

STU: Hey, how do you know that?

GINA: I have informants …

Stu and Astrid looked deeply at George until they laughed.

GEORGE: Hey, she asked it to me! . Guys, pardon me a moment…. - said winking.

George went to the bar to talk to a woman who should be in his 30s, seemed to know each other well, I didn't take long to realize that they were lovers.

When George left the table I was automatically next to Paul, all were talking to each other, so I knew it was time to approach him to talk, he hadn't even greeted.

there was a lots of noise and the music was high so I had to get closer to his ear to talk, I was feeling his smell again after a while and I had a chill.

GINA: Hey Paul, how are you?

PAUL: fine,fine… - said curtly and reluctantly.

When he tell me that , he turned his gaze to a point away ceasing to look at me. I didn't understand that contempt … I came an overwhelming desire to mourn, but also to embrace him …

I made sure not noticing that I was about to fall into tears and I hit him in the arm so that he would spin to me. Paul looked at me.

GINA: Can you tell me what's wrong with you? do you know how much I've missed you?

PAUL: if you've missed me , doesn't seem it…

¿What?

GINA: I wrote you

PAUL: Yeah …

GINA: you never answered.

PAUL: I know.

GINA: why? - I said, patting her hand.

Paul withdrew his hand suddenly.

PAUL: I'm not wasting paper by someone who is not interested in me

GINA: What are you saying that?

At that time John grabbed my arm to get me to dance. Sounded "_Please don't touch_" ( watch?v=iUId0olhWGU).

He started dancing like crazy and I with him. John laughed in a way I had never seen, he was happy. We looked and said nothing, enjoying ourselves, until in a moment he took my hand to lead me to a site away from the pub. We sat in a corner and sat down on a big red sofa, out of sight of others. The music wasn't as high there, so we finally spoke.

JOHN: Oh Gina, you're here, you're here!

GINA: Yeah, that crazy , ah?

JOHN: You don't know how many longed to hold you close and …

John grabbed me by the waist to get close to him. We were dangerously close. He brought his lips to mine. Did he want to kiss me? God knows I wanted him to do it, in fact we had never kissed, once we had the opportunity at Pauls but I refused. I felt John so close and that made my heart beating a mile a minute. I could smell the leather of his jacket and his sweat, unlike the smell of soap and sometimes colony of Paul … no, it wasn't time to think about Paul. John came up to me and put his hand on my

nape making me a stifled sigh and then turned away.

JOHN: Oh … , Did you think I was going to kiss you? - Said playfully.

Oh no, John Winston Lennon,not to Gina Jones.

I took off my coat that I was still wearing on the armrest of the couch, I went closer and leaned on him causing John to lean on the sofa sitting and half above him, I fell on his chest subtly putting a hand on his shoulder and the other around his neck and I kissed him.

I was waiting for this moment for a long time. At first , John seemed unresponsive but after a few seconds he kissed me back. John was very fiery and possessive. His kisses left me breathless, but I didn't need to breathe if John was so close to me. His lips collided with mine in a way that I light up inside. At one point, John turned to me, so that this time he was sitting and I was leaning on the sofa. John loved to take the lead . He started to kissing and nibble my neck …

JOHN: Oh Gina ,you don't know how I've waited for this moment - said softly.

I wanted to answer but I couldn't, my world was immersed in John's kisses and the hands that John was entering slowly under my shirt. I had never been so close to John. He kissed me in a way that I couldn't resist, sometimes sweet, sometimes covering without letting me escape.

GEORGE: Hey, guys … - George stared at us in amazement. We hadn't noticed its presence.

we depart at once, one on each end of the sofa. Then rebuked his sentence.

GEORGE: We're leaving now, John, pay your round and come outside, Gina come with me.

GINA: Yes

I got up and went out with George. I felt terribly embarrassed and confused.

PETE: Gina, you're going to sleep in the room of Paul and John.

Just what I needed! - I thought wryly

GEORGE: I think it's better to sleep with us and Jules in the other room…

PETE: No - said emphatically - I want Jules in our room …

GEORGE: Well, whatever - George looked at me .

Yes, I've just kiss a guy with a girlfriend in a public place. I felt joyful and guilty.

I Got to the room. I went to the bathroom to put on my pijama and then into the room to take my bed, I slept in the bed of Stu, who had stayed on Astrids home. Paul was already in bed, I didn't dare to say good night , I felt guilty even without having anything with him.

I went to bed, and Paul, who I thought he was sleeping, got up to close the light. I closed my eyes and turned toward the wall, unable to sleep until John came into the bedroom doing a tremendous noise and finally getting into his bed.

I spent nearly two hours to sleep, listening to the breathing of John and Paul, my boys.


	13. Chapter 13

I woke up to the sound coming from street. The flat was on a busy street and it was almost 11 a.m. Without opening my eyes I realized that I wasn't in Liverpool, I was in Hamburg.

I sat on the bed still half asleep and couldn't believe my eyes. Paul curled up on his bed like a worm and John naked with one leg hanging off the bed. Asleep , they seemed so harmless …

I got up and I went to the door to the bathroom and for a little breakfast. I was almost ready to walk out the door when John touched my leg with its so I turned to him. In doing so, he pulled my nightgown and shot me in bed beside him. John, with his eyes closed lifted his blanket to make place beside him. He hug tightly behind, I could feel its heat and warm bare skin on my back, his breath on my neck …. We embraced in silence for a few minutes at a time until he hugged closer and I could feel his fledgling … the joy of seeing me, and wish me a good morning . I blushed and I pulled away suddenly.

GINA: Fucking John, behave yourself! - I said quietly to avoid waking Paul.

JOHN: It's not you girl , this happens to me every morning.

GINA: Agh.

I left John's bed to go , for a second time, to the bathroom. I loved when John hugged me, I felt safe and wanted.

Upon entering the bathroom I found Jules in her nightgown and red cheeks, doing her hair done .

GINA: Hello Jules

JULES: Hi Gina - said with a big smile

GINA: Did you sleep well?

JULES. More than good. You know … I've slept in the bed of Pete.

GINA: Oh, really? have you …?

JULES: Well … you can say that Pete can't have hands to yourself …

GINA: Ah … nasty girl!

Then, she turned red as a tomato, I've never seen her like this. Jules was the typical girl with strict parents , and be in Hamburg with her almost boyfriend in the same bed was too much for her.

GINA: … and did the others realize it?

JULES: I think not …

GEORGE:I did!

George leaned out the door without warning.

JULES: Oh my god - said visibly embarrassed -

GEORGE: Quiet, I'm used to hear Paul with other girls in the room next door.

My face changed completely. I became pale.

GINA: Paul? ¿ our Paul?

GEORGE: Yes,he has many groupies in the club, you'll see them tonight if you come to see us play. He always sleep with any of them …

Is that why he was upset with me? I understand that there wouldn't be time for me with so much traffic in his bed …. I was hurt, but … why? I was determined to carry on with whatever I had with John … but the shadow of Paul was always there … haunting. I couldn't let him go.

Around noon Astrid quoted me and Jules in her study. Her study was full of photos and artwork . Astrid was a very independent woman and I was fascinated by her shorthair , like a man.

We sat in a chair for coffee. I don't like coffee, but I did it for commitment

ASTRID: So Jules, you're Pete's girlfriend and Gina …?

GINA: I'm not anyone's girlfriend …

ASTRID: Aha, don't worry, I'll look for some German guy for you. - He laughed

JULES: She came for John and Paul. - Said directly

GINA: Oh Jules, come on, why do you have to tell her?

ASTRID: Quiet Gina, you can tell me, I'll be a tomb …

GINA: There is nothing to tell …

Jules interrupted me.

JULES: I'll tell you the whole truth. Gina is in love with John but also likes Paul . John has a girlfriend, Paul doesn't have. Gina kissed Paul in the Casbah and she liked it. But also kissed John in the pub last night and liked it too. Paul is upset with Gina, and we don't know why , and we don't know if John wants something serious with Gina. So Gina's into a big problem.

ASTRID: Uh, wait, wait … so John and Paul share more than their love of music … OK, well. I can help you.

GINA: No , you can't. John has a girlfriend and Paul was angry with me and sleeping with German girls.

ASTRID: haha. Yes, Paul is being a bit wild, but if it's any consolation, he hasn't repeated with any of those girls, they're a hobby for him … and as for John … I've never heard of his girlfriend, but I have seen him write letters for you.

GINA: I'm a mess …

ASTRID: It'll be okay, but I can only help you if you decide on one of them …

GINA: I can't … yet John feels atraction and interest for me, and Paul ignores me and it hurts.

ASTRID: I will think what to do, for now, see you tonight at the _Kaiserkeller_ to see the boys, OK?

That night we went to dinner at Klaus, a friend and ex-lover of Astrid, before going to the concert. I was excited to see the boys playing, I hadn't seen them since the last time at The Cavern.

The atmosphere of the German night was very different and was full of girls, girls and more girls.

We arrived when the concert had already started, George noticed and said into the microphone:

GEORGE: my two sisters, direct from Liverpool!

The boys were on stage wearing leather , tip boots and disheveled hair, that night they didn't bother to getting a decent toupee. The stage was small, full of wires and bottles of beer. John was in the middle with his guitar, George on his right, to his left Paul and Pete back to the drums. Paul had started playing bass since Stu began playing less often with the band.

Paul started singing Red Hot ( watch?v=say4YAlM3u8) with John. Everyone was dancing, they kept pushing me everywhere. John was jumping and moving his head like elvis , and Paul sweated while playing the bass line of the song. George and Paul took turns going to play the old piano of the club.

The concert lasted less than we expected because the boys were exhausted. It was fun being a rock band, but play every night was tired.

The first to pick up the instrument and leave the scene was Paul, who headed to a blonde girl with a ridiculous blue ribbon in her hair.

ASTRID: She's Erika, she has been coming to the pub to see Paul every night for two weeks, it seems that she finally got what she wanted.

I shrugged.

Paul grabbed her hand and walked toward the exit, going by our side, I put my hand on his chest to stop him without really nothing to say, I didn't want him to leave.

GINA: Paul …

Paul looked at me impassively and kept going. He opened the door letting in the cold air of the street and went with her.

Astrid saw my reaction and tried to cheer me up.

ASTRID: Come Ginie, don't be sad, she's just another one…

Another one …

Stu came to kiss Astrid and Pete came to ask me where was Jules, she was still in the bathroom.

George told me that John wasn't feeling well, so he would go to bed early.

GEORGE: Did you sleep well yesterday?

GINA: more or less.

He smiled.

John came with his guitar case and his jacket over his shoulder.

JOHN: C'mon Gina , let's go to sleep now, it's late.

GINA: No John, I don't want to sleep yet, I want to stay a little longer here with George and the others.

JOHN: No, I will close my door and you won't be able to enter.

GINA: No matter, Paul will open the door for me to enter.

JOHN: Paul? Haha, he won't return until tomorrow morning … he has gone with that girl, and I know how it ends.

Erika …

GINA: Ok, let's go.

I said goodbye to the others and went out with John.

JOHN: Are you cold?

GINA: No, I'm fine, thanks.

At that time John took my hand surreptitiously. I stroked his hand with my finger and he squeezed my hand. He was holding my hand as a … a girlfriend. In Germany we couldn't be seen for anyone. In Liverpool he couldn't hold my hand, but we were far from Cyn and nobody knew us in Hamburg.

I glanced at John , dreaming that one day we would have something official … but … I cheated myself … for now, I was sharing John with someone else. Cyn was his official girlfriend, and I was alone, I was the other.

We went up to the room and I could see that Paul's bed was empty …

John sat on his bed and stared at me in astonishment.

JOHN: You're sexy, girl … you are … - he said.

He raised his arm and waved to me to come to him, which I did immediately.

I looked at him , I thought about how different it was John when there were no people in front … without trying to pretend someone who he wasn't . I was still standing, so when he embraced me his head was resting on my chest.

JOHN: I can feel your heartbeat …

I stroked her hair gently. John began to kiss my neck softly and surrounded my waist with his arms. He searched my lips and kissed me, while I lay on the bed. He stood over me completely. I took her face in my hands and started to give him little kisses on the lips, his weight dropped over my body… he began to unbutton my blouse with his left hand , awkwardly because it wasn't his good one. I took off his shirt to follow the lines of his back with my finger. We were skin to skin, John wasn't a very muscular guy, but neither fat, rather strong … and his body covered all mine. Before I knew it I was already braless, our bare breasts were in contact and I could hear the beating of his heart ever faster as he kissed me. I was startled to notice how John lowered his arm around my body to find the zipper of my pants, I shuddered. Do I really want to do it? Then,he wasn't so careful as before and took my pants abruptly.

JOHN: Do you remember what I told you once when you and Paul walked me home, to Mendips?

I remembered …perfectly

_"JOHN: I usually like to take my pants off myself, because I go faster and I can do the job right away._

_GINA: PIG! I'm leaving."_

GINA: Yeah, I remember …

JOHN: So , will you leave me this time?

I didn't want to go …

GINA: No.

John stepped aside so I could remove his pants. After a few minutes we were both completely naked, I was a little embarrassed, but John didn't seem to mind.

JOHN: Please, please me … - said to my ear

We started to make love. Never thought I'd be like this with John, in that environment so intimate, feeling him so close … so passionate. While we were engrossed in our world I thought on the first time I saw him, in Penny Lane…

John was all over me, loving me as he had never done, so vulnerable and deep at the same time , as John. We were under the covers for a while , no mattered anything else, sometimes fiery, sometimes half asleep.

JOHN: Gina …

GINA: John …

I woke up hugging John. He was beside me, disheveled and with smiling expression in his face but peacefully asleep. I stared at him, the bed smelled like John, like my skin, I stroked his scratchy chin .

Then the doorbell rang insistently.

Johnny? Honey, are you there?

John snapped awake, and wrapped himself with the blanket while I put on my nightgown.

JOHN: Hurry! Get into Pauls bed !

GINA: Why?

JOHN: It's** Cynthia!**


	14. Chapter 14

Finally, John opened the door to greet Cynthia. Meanwhile I was pretending to be asleep in Paul's bed.

CYNTHIA: Oh John, did I wake you? - Said pouncing on him and kissing him nonstop.

JOHN: Yes, but nevermind, it's time to wake up, today I'll have all day for you, honey.

Honey … I couldn't hear John say that to Cyn before me …

CYNTHIA: You know how much I've missed you? I love you…

JOHN: I know, honey, I love you too

CYNTHIA: Oh, looks like Gina is still sleeping, I met Pete on the stairs and told me that she came as a surprise, what adorable , isn't she? Come on, get dressed and get out for a walk, I want to know all of Hamburg! - Said enthusiastically.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry for the innocent words of Cyn.

John got dressed and left the room with her, I heard their voices as they went down the stairs.

When he left, I was alone in the room, I opened my eyes and I was silent assimilating what had happened. Toward few hours I was making love with John, and in the twinkling of an eye he was back away from me, Cynthia had taken him from my side, or… did I steal him from her side that night?. That didn't matter, I knew that would be hard to be with Cynthia those days, and I had to be strong.

I turned to curl up on the sheets, the bed of Paul was unmade as two days ago , he didn't sleep there that night, he was with … Erika.

I smelled the pillow and I could feel his characteristic smell of soap, memories of our afternoons in Liverpool between rides and iced teas came back to me . How would be Mike and James? I decided to go see them again in Liverpool.

Paul was clean and tidy, and I was surprised by the fact that he left with his bed unmade, What was wrong? So close, yet so far away … I ran my hand down the side of the mattress to place well the blanket and something stopped me. I looked, and I saw Paul's recorder and some tapes.

There were about five tapes with labels and two without. Songs from the backyard, I Lost My Little Girl, Home demos, PS I love you, Song for Gina (one and one is two) … Song for Gina. The curiosity came over me, that tape had a label where said that this song was for me, I was afraid to listen it, perhaps would reveal the reason for his attitude with me, but I wasn't sure. Nervous and impatient I took the tape with my name and I put it on the recorder, I had to rewind and pressed the Play. It was a recording of a song unfinished and shoddy, but I could understand the lyrics perfectly:

( watch?v=ZJIBqOgpATU)

_One and one is two_

_What am I to do_

_Now that I'm in love with you?_

_ I'm hoping everyday_

_I'm gonna hear you say_

_"You really make my wish come true"_

_ Can you feel when I'm holding you near_

_All The Things That I do?_

_So, my love, am I making it clear?_

_One and one is two_

_ Can not you see I've loved you from the start?_

_Do not you love me too?_

_I love you, but you're breaking my heart_

_From wanting you._

_ If you say that you're gonna be mine_

_Everything is alright_

_All the world would look so fine_

_If you'll be mine tonight_

I Stopped the tape. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Paul had opened his heart in that song, He explained how he was feeling , the whole truth.

I remember the phrase he said to me at the casbah while we kissed:

_"PAUL: What am I to do? - He whispered._

_GINA: For now just kiss me. "_

_Now … that I'm in love with you?_ Paul was declaring his love for me in a song, him and his guitar.

How had I not noticed?

_I love you, but you're breaking my heart , from wanting you…_ , oh my god … I'm hurting him with my indecision and Paul doesn't deserve it, I was feeling the cruelest person in the world.

The song was beautiful, I didn't understand why he never showed it to me , or why he didn't say what he felt directly.

I stopped the tape and put the recorder in the place where I had found, I dressed and went to the common room.

George was there with some guys who I didn't know

GINA: Hello George

GEORGE: Hello Ginie '

GINA: You look tired, did you sleep well?

George was lying on the sofa with face like he wouldn't slept in days.

GEORGE: Yes, I slept well, but you know … give everything , every night, is tired.

The boys began to laugh

GEORGE: Oh guys, come on, I mean playing in the pub!

GINA: Well, but it all pays off, you probably already have enough money to buy that guitar you wanted.

GEORGE: Not really … besides the money, to be in Hamburg helps us to be known, these days we have played with Sheridan there were been some men from the world of music to have a look, they want us to return to Liverpool .

GINA: Really?

GEORGE: Yes, actually, I miss England …

GINA: So , will you come back?

GEORGE: our contract ends In two weeks , It was just for 48 nights. We agreed that we could extend it, but it's time to be back.

GINA: I understand …

- Yes, and let more audience for us! - Said the guy sitting next to George.

GEORGE: Oh, he's …

RINGO: Richard Starkey, drumer, you can call me Ringo.

Ringo Starr was the drummer for Rory Storm and the Hurricanes, and had become a close friend of the boys, apparently was from Liverpool, but I never seen him.

GINA: A pleasure Ringo.

I said goodbye to the boys and went downstairs to go outside, I usually see Hamburg at night than during the day and I wanted to know more places of the city, especially the antiques market and the port.

The day was beautiful, the air was cool and everything seemed quiet, at times, while walking, I managed to forget that John was with Cynthia somewhere or that Paul would be with Erika, I was alone again, without either of both.

I walked to the port, it got up some air and I had to tie my hair to keep my hair out of my face. I went down to see the boats, wandering aimlessly among the fishermen and the occasional visitors, that like me, wanted to walk near the water.

- Gina!

I turned to hear someone shouting my name , it was Astrid, wearing a beret and a green skirt.

ASTRID: Hello Gina, what are you doing in the port so early?

GINA: Walking a little, I wanted to see the port and be alone to think.

ASTRID: Oh, am I upsetting you?

GINA: No, not at all. Come on , let us walk.

Astrid joined my morning walk without hesitation, she was full of vitality.

ASTRID: Oh and … how are you? I've seen John with Cynthia on the market.

GINA: Well, I could be better … I don't understand his game Astrid, I don't know what he wants from me …

ASTRID: And , Do you know what you want?

I kept quiet.

ASTRID: And how are the things with Paul?

GINA: Well … I found a tape in his recorder where he confessed he was in love with me … but I don't know what to think …

ASTRID: Oh, yes, "One and one is two"

GINA: How do you know?

ASTRID: Paul showed me the tape on the condition that I wouldn't say anything.

I didn't know that Astrid and Paul had so much confidence to show her this so personal song , I felt jealous for a second because Paul had more confidence in her to tell that sort of things. But , it's Astrid , you could tell her everything.

GINA: I don't understand, to neither of both , I'd rather to hate them … but I can't …

ASTRID: Because you love them.

GINA: Yeah, I guess so … but I get dizzy, John, Paul, John Paul …

ASTRID: Well, first was John, Paul, Stu …

I blushed, I thought Astrid knew nothing of what I had with Stu.

ASTRID: Oh, quiet, never mind, that was before he met me - said, winking.

I was relieved.

GINA: Well, then … you talked to Paul … you know why he is upset with me?

ASTRID: why don't you ask him yourself?

GINA: How? He don't want to talk … and he may be with "Erika" - said in a tone visibly upset.

ASTRID: No, he is not with her, is there.

Astrid pointed towards the wooden stairs.

I looked, and there was Paul, thoughtful and leaning on the rail, as that day waiting in Mendips.

I hesitated a second but I headed to the wooden stairs ready to get an answer.


	15. Chapter 15

I went upstairs without haste. Paul was staring into space, it was obvious that he had heard me but he didn't turn up at me. I came to him and touched his arm gently.

GINA: Paulie, we need to talk …

PAUL: Do not call me like this - snapped.

His words hurt me deep.

GINA: I can't stand you being so coldly with me , I need you Paul, and you're so far away …

PAUL: Well, you did not think that when you only had eyes for John …

GINA: What?

At That time I saw Paul with moist eyes. He turned away from the railing and stood behind me holding me stronger. He rested his head on my shoulder and pulled me into his arms.

PAUL: Don't you realize Gina? Didn't you realize ?

We were silent.

PAUL: I love you from the start. Since I met you in Speke I couldn't stop thinking about you … but I suffered a lot, God knows how much I suffered. Dot was pregnant and I had no choice but to be with her .

Paul Began to mourn.

PAUL: Also … John took a fancy to you and I never would steal a girl to a friend … he told me that … he maybe could be in love with you and I retired . But when I broke up with Dot… oh Gina, That Day in the Casbah I was honest with you, it wasn't the alcohol, my kisses were real …

His tears streamed down my neck and shoulder … I was still listening to the bitter words of Paul, I looked Paul broken and I didn't feel able to answer.

PAUL: When John found out that I kissed you … we no talk until the night of the concert, and you know, I thought that your story would be just a fad, and when he got tired of you, as he does with all the girls, then I … but then at the exit of the Cavern …

He sobbed.

PAUL: It was our last night in Liverpool and I wanted to tell you all that I felt, you know, walk you home as usual … but … you were for more than ten minutes hugging John … when I saw the connection you had both … I wanted to go running,I couldn't accept the idea that your heart belonged to John. I felt a failure at the time, I felt that you never feel that for me, I would just be a good friend … and that's it. And you don'tt even hugged me, you only had eyes for John. Did you even remembered me that night at bedtime?

I gulped and I said softly…

GINA: Of course I thought of you … -I began to mourn - and all this time you've been in Hamburg … I needed you by my side. But you … you've been doing the wild , drinking and sleeping with women in Germany …

PAUL: Being as I was, you didn't notice me … I thought that I might be like John ….

I got rid of his embrace and turned to look at him.

GINA: No Paul, John is John and you are you.

PAUL: … And then … what do going to do with john? If you don't want to be with me … I wish you could be with him … I love him, it's like my brother.

Paul had a heart so noble …

GINA: I don't know…

Paul's statement had me in the deepest draft. He was so transparent … not all boys had the courage to admit their mistakes and cry, Paul was like an open book full of feelings and emotions.

Until I had him before me again, I didn't realize how much I love him… I never say it to him and he had made up his mind that I would reject him , and nothing is further from reality … he was my Paul …

PAUL: Well, now you know how I feel about you, if things don' work with John … or he hurts you, you know where I am.

Paul changed his face to outline a half smile and kissed me gently on the forehead.

PAUL: I'm meeting the guys to rehearse for an audition while John spends the day with Cynthia, see you later … I ….

He retired a few inches still looking at me and turned to leave.

I felt a strange feeling … Paul, my friend, had become something more than that and didn't know how to handle it.

That afternoon, the girls went to the Indra club for a drink . We were, Jules, me, Astrid, Cynthia and two of her friends. I was uncomfortable with her there, but Astrid thought it would be rude to leave her alone.

The pub was full of neon lights and young people fresh out of college. Sounded Searchin '( watch?v=WR2FvrU-NIM)

ASTRID: 6 rounds of beer! - Shouted upon entering.

The atmosphere was very charged and it was terribly hot, Cynthia was wearing a typical winter wool sweater .

CYNTHIA: I won't drink alcohol.

ASTRID: Come on! John's not here!

CYNTHIA: Sorry, no … a Coke, please.

Everyone looked at each other strangely.

Astrid was part of the time talking about Stu and his works of art, he had managed to sell some works and his work was up going pretty well, moreover Jules had drunk too much and kept saying crap… and they were just 9 at night.

JULES: Hey, look who's there - Jules pointed to the bar - the concubine of Paul!

Erika was with a group of people talking animatedly.

JULES: Come, come, Let's join us!

I hadn't time to stop her that was already in the middle of the pub toward her.

Erika sat beside me.

ERIKA: Hi girls

- Hello - said in unison.

Jules, shamelessly due to the alcohol began to question her bluntly.

JULES: So the other day you slept with Paul …

ERIKA: … Yes …

Erika didn't take long to confess, I suppose she should be very proud of it … in fact, until she said that , I still had high hopes that they had done nothing …

ASTRID: uiui … so , you knew very well our little Paul ….

ERIKA: Apparently so! - Laughed.

JULES: Well, and what we want to know, how's Paul in bed?

CYNTHIA: Oh girls, bedroom secrets can't be told - said blushing.

JULES cyn … Do not be silly - she snapped, she probably would have responded differently without being drunk.

ERIKA: You see … Paul is so … passionate and delicate … I was at the pub every week wanting to sleep with him, and he only had eyes for his filthy guitar. Until he finally succumbed to my charms - said winking.

Immediately, I began to boil inside. How she dare to say that?

GINA: Maybe he slept with you because you were annoying. We all know that you almost begged for his attention …

All looked at me astonished.

ERIKA: sorry?

GINA: You've only been her one-night stand, don't expect anything more.

ERIKA: Who are you to say what Paul wants?

GINA: I'm …

I really wasn't no one to say that.

ERIKA: Oh, I see, another groupie in love with his guitar ….

I got up from the chair and I faced her

GINA: Hey hateful German , nor am his groupie, nor am I in love with his guitar, Paul plays bass, the bass, Did you hear?Don't boast that you know him whether you don't care for his music or what instrument he plays.

Astrid took my arm away from her. I didn't recognize myself , what I was doing? I really couldn't hear that girl talk about Paul that way.

ASTRID: Come Gina, it's time to leave.

I grabbed my coat and went out into the street with Astrid, the other girls stayed with Erika in the pub.

ASTRID: What the hell was that?

After talking for 3 hours with Astrid of my conversation with Paul and what happened the other night with John, she accompanied me to the flat. Astrid proposed me to go on vacation to Ireland, and I accepted. It would be fine, to be away for a few weeks .

Going up to the room I was ready to put on my pijama. John was sitting in his bd strumming a few chords on the guitar.

JOHN: Hello Gina

GINA: Hi John ..

JOHN: As to what happened this morning …

GINA: Don't worry, she's your girlfriend, I understand. By the way, we need to talk.

JOHN: I know …

John looked at me with guilt.

GINA: You must let me know what you want from me … after that night …

JOHN: I want you.

GINA: and I want you too , but we can't go on like this anymore…

JOHN: Why not?

GINA: Because Cynthia loves you and I can rest easy knowing that I hurt her.

JOHN: She knows nothing Ginie …

GINA: John, don't you understand? Not that simple, you have a girlfriend, and that means some rules …

JOHN: It's all shit ..

I stared at him tenderly watching his concern.

GINA: John, I think you should choose … Cynthia or me.

John was thoughtful and lowered his head.

JOHN: Gina I … I can't.

GINA: Yes, you can, just choose who do you want to be with .

JOHN: It's not a simple decision, II have a clear that I want to be with you …

GINA: And then what's the problem?

JOHN: Well … - John scratched his head and hesitated a few seconds - I wanna be with you, but I should be with Cynthia because…

CYNTHIA: John Honey, I'm ready

Cynthia came into the room, interrupting John.

CYNTHIA: Oh Gina, you're here, how are you? you've gone so unexpectedly from the pub …

JOHN: What happened?

GINA: Nothing - I said dryly.

CYNTHIA: Well, Astrid says that we can go to sleep at her apartment, she have a spare room for us.

JOHN: Oh yeah … perfect cyn, let's go.

They parted and went downstairs. I didn't get a response from John, but now I knew that he didn't want to be with me.


	16. Chapter 16

I spent the morning walking around Reeperbahn with Jules,

we would leave soon and wanted to take to end our stay in Germany. I bought some souvenirs for mom and Uncle Bill, and I took the opportunity to take a look at the clothing stores, I hadn't gone yet .

In five days the boys will be back to Liverpool to play at The Cavern, in Hamburg people had spoken well of them and wanted them back.

We went to visit Astrid at her flat. Upon entering we found George and Stu on the couch. What was our astonishment face seeing that their toupees were gone.

STU: Eh, Don't look at us like that !

GEORGE: They're Astrid's hairstyles … - said apologetically - I don't see it clearly…

Astrid was in the bathroom with the door open.

ASTRID: It was time to change the look of these guys! - Screamed - I was bored its ridiculous Elvis-style hairdo.

John and Paul left the bathroom with embarrassed face.

JOHN: Oh my god … what have I done, now I look up to even more gentleman than Paul.

PAUL: no shit, John!

Astrid cut their hair to them, all alike. Without toupee, the hair like a mushroom or the shell of a beetle. They looked very strange, but I was sure that I would get use.

ASTRID: Well guys, now you're a decent band!

GEORGE: I don't know …

JULES: The people of Liverpool won't recognize you.

JOHN: Of course they do! The Beatles return to Liverpool!

JULES: The Beatles?

JOHN: Yes, we've changed the name, we've moved from Silver Beetles to just Beatles

GEORGE: Do you like it?

GINA: Yes!

GEORGE: Hey, and will you come to our first official concert as The Beatles at The Cavern?

GINA: In fact …

ASTRID: We're going on vacation to Ireland - Astrid snapped without letting me finish.

PAUL: What? - Said Paul with a disappointment face

GINA: Yeah, we'll go two weeks to Ireland, Astrid, Jules and me.

JOHN: I see … well, our concerts won't be the same without you, ladies.

JULES: I Don't think that you'll miss us , with all the girls in front of the stage to see you.

GEORGE: Oh yeah … that, well, I'm starting to be a little afraid of all this fans… at the moment are only girls from Liverpool, but who knows tomorrow if we are best known …

PAUL: Let's be realistic, now we're doing well, but who knows …

JOHN: If Elvis could , we can do it too.

STU: Dreamer! - Stu threw a pillow at John and laughed.

GINA: Well guys, we're going now, we must prepare our bags, we left early in morning.

STU: Okay girls, see you tonight.

Bye -

By mid afternoon we went to the flat, we were tired and we had to go to bed early. There also found Cynthia, who ask us to accompany her on the trip back. In London she would go to Liverpool and we would catch our plane to Ireland.

ASTRID: Remember that the train leaves at 9 am, don't be late! See you at the station.

CYNTHIA: Yes, I'm going girls.

JULES: Don't you sleep here?

ASTRID: No, she'll go to sleep on my flat with John, you know … to say goodbye - Astrid winked.

Cynthia turned red as usual, she was really shy.

GINA: Goodbye girls.

Cynthia would sleep with John that night…

We said goodbye and I went to the roof, it was completely dark but I could see the lights of the harbor and St. Pauli district. It was a soft, warm breeze and I could hear the buzz of the street and people talking downstairs.

I thought I would have to part with the guys again. But this time might not be as hard as it was the last time. I was really happy to see how the boys were going to get it right, but I was a little anxious about the non-response from John and my guilt for the suffering of Paul. As Mom says: There is no love without suffering. Why love was always hurting?

Suddenly , someone opened the gate and I saw a figure in the shadows, was George.

GEORGE: : Hello Little Ginie '

GINA: Hello George, whar are you doing here?

GEORGE: And you ?

We smile.

GINA: How was the rehersal?

GEORGE: Well, we sound increasingly better and we're starting to play their own songs

GINA: that's great!

GEORGE: Well … songs of Paul and John .

GINA: Oh, they have good songs, I heard one , don't you write songs?

GEORGE: Well, yeah, some songs, but you know … theirs are better.

GINA: Don't say that, I'm sure you have good songs in there that havent come out yet - I said touching his forehead with my finger.

GEORGE: I guess … for now, I'll settle for being the best guitarist of all England.

GINA: haha, well, don't exaggerate.

George was really an extraordinary guitarist.

GEORGE: It's getting a little cold. Should we go inside?

GINA: Yes

George was a quiet guy, but when he spoke he always said something witty, had a wonderful mood, although sometimes a little … British humor.

He always was like the balance in the band, he was in the middle of John and Paul, and everything was perfect.

We said good night and everyone went to their respective rooms.

Paul was sitting in bed writing something on a sheet of paper.

GINA: Hi Paul, Why aren't you sleeping!?

PAUL: I'm writing a song.

GINA: Oh, what is about?

PAUL: That's a secret!

GINA: Hey, let me know!

PAUL: No, I'll tell you when it's finished, I'll finish it with John, we always write together, you know …

GINA: Well ….

PAUL: By the way … - He looked at his guitar - you and I have a duet pending.

O yes, the song …

PAUL: Till There Was You ( watch?v=Y2n661Y13N8)

GINA: we'll sing it together someday

PAUL: No, now.

GINA: Paul, is late, and there're people sleeping in the next room ..

PAUL: we can sing softly

GINA: But ..

without let me finish, got up to take the guitar and sat down again.

PAUL: Okay, one, two, three "There eere bells on a hill …" - Paul began to sing the song but I didn't follow him.

PAUL: Hey Gina, don't be shy, we're alone!

I hadn't seen the smile of Paul for days, he was the same again , he seemed to be enjoying themselves.

GINA: Please don't make me sing …

PAUL: I Won't let you sleep until you sing at least a verse with me, one two, three, "There were bells on a hill …"

GINA: … but I never heard them ringing …

- no I never heard them at all, till there was you …. - The two started singing at once, softly, Paul, the guitar and me. Paul looked at me with his bright hazel eyes and smiled as their lips let out the words, sung by that voice, his voice so full, so sweet. I could see Paul as the same as before, the Paul of Liverpool, who sang with his guitar in the garden and played the piano with his father.

The song ended.

PAUL: Hey, you don' sing bad at all, ah

GINA: I know - I said with an air of superiority.

We laughed.

Paul left his guitar in the empty bed of John and sat beside me.

GINA: You know … John will never leave Cynthia …

PAUL: John … never knows what he want, I love him, but I admit that he sometimes hurts people with his attitude, especially Cyn … and you.

GINA: I know … and were trying to be like him.

PAUL: I tried but it didn't work, but in fact, I wanted you to return to my side, and here you are.

GINA: Don't ever try to be someone you're not, in these last days I didn't recognize you, you weren't the same guy that I fell in love with.

Upps, I couldn't believe what I just said.

PAUL: What… ?

GINA: Paul I … don't know why I've said ..

PAUL: Gina … don't confuse me, is that what you feel about me?

GINA: I …

Do I really was in love with Paul, or do those words left from my insides out of spite after what happened with John? What was clear is that my "half-relation" with John was over and that the person who I wanted to be with at the time, was Paul.

GINA: I don't want to leave your side.

PAUL: I don't want you to go …

Paul hugged me and we drop into bed.

PAUL: I want you to clarify your feelings , and when you really know who owns your heart, tell me, I'll be waiting, meanwhile … let me show you my love for you.

Paul grabbed my legs and put me flat on the bed, he pulled the blanket and stood beside me. He took off his shirt and gave me a sweet little kiss on the lips.

We were both lying on the bed, facing each other, looking … Paul moved his hand to stroke my cheek still looking at me and then kissed me. He started kissing me as only he could do, slow and soft … should I really leave the next morning? I don't want to leave if all goodnight kisses were like that …

He lowered his arm gently toward my back and pinched my bra without hesitation to unbutton it, he did it with the left, as Paul was left-handed, I remember the awkwardness of John with that hand … I felt right at his side, felt that flowed on, the room was quiet and only you could hear the little sound made our lips to kiss. I knew where it was all about, so I unbuttoned my blouse and took it off, Paul did the same with his pants and then helped me to take off mine. Paul's breast was beautiful. Unlike John, Paul was thin but muscular with a medium body. I ran my hand down his chest to his navel to follow all lines of her perfect body, Paul shivered with the contact of my in his skin.

GINA: Paulie …

PAUL: Shtt … - Paul silenced me with a kiss and stood over me.

Inevitably I felt a dejavu. I had recently been in this situation with John. It was very nice but I was under pressure of infidelity … but now … I didn't have to justify or answer to anyone. I felt free to do whatever I wanted to do that night, and I decided to make love with Paul.

Paul made love in a very different way from John, I enjoyed every moment of that while it lasted, I wouldn't be with him in a while.

I grabbed hi soft hair as Paul stroked my legs and kissed my chin. Paul treated me very well, and as Erika said … he was a very good lover. Unlike others he was looking after me at all times, he was equal in than out of bed, sweet, sweet as sugar.

I could touch his sweaty neck and back as I watched his face with closed eyes and biting his lip, … also I could hear his rapid breathing in my ear. I got lost in the smell of his skin … the smell of soap and clean clothes now mixed with the smell of that moment of profound intimacy between us. Occasionally , he let out a slight moan that bristled my hair and I writhed beneath him.

We made love three times before falling asleep completely exhausted. I was hugging him all night, this goodbye wouldn't be as the last one.


	17. Chapter 17

I left the room early in the morning, Paul was asleep, I gave him a kiss on the forehead and I left. I'll fell alone, getting up every morning without him by my side.

We arrived at Dublin Airport around midnight. A car picked us up and took us to the house we had rented in Galway. It was a country house amidst green meadows, Ireland was beautiful in summer.

Upon arrival we were exhausted so we went straight to sleep.

We spent a few days touring non-stop , Jules suggested going north to see the Giant's Causeway and see the cliffs , so we spent a few days in Ulster too.

As we were in a rural area, the mail was late and I was still waiting for the letter that George promised me.

Returning to Galway it started raining, it was terribly cold, and the poor sheep from the meadow were drenched, but soon it will come the shearing season.

Astrid proposed t light the fire place and open a bottle of wine. We sat on cushions in front of the fire with our cups. George lent me some vinyl to listen and think about them as well, so Jules got up to put the turntable. Sounded Do not You Rock Me Daddy-O ( watch?v=b974X44XhTE).

ASTRID: Girls, I must confess you something …

GINA: Tell us now!

JULES: Yeah, yeah, say it!

Astrid reached into his pocket to pull out a small red box. He opened it and showed us a beautiful engagement ring.

JULES: No …

ASTRID: YES!

GINA: Astrid , I'm so happy for you and Stu …

ASTRID: I'm in a daze … I love you so much … well, he will come to live with me to Germany and will left the band to devote himself completely to his art.

GINA: If it is not love …

JULES : fucking lucky girl!

Seeing Astrid so excited I tried to imagine myself in that situation, but I couldn't, my relationships were so unstable and what I had with the boys was very unlikely.

While I was immersed in my thoughts and Astrid was showing proudly her ring , the doorbell rang.

I stood up and headed for the door, opening I saw the mailman soaked below the rain looking at his suitcase

- Gina Jones, Astrid Kirchherr and Jules Morton?

GINA: Yes

The postman handed me 5 envelopes wet by rain.

I went in and gave the letters to the girls, three of the five letters were for me.

JULES: Wow Gina, you have a great demand!

ASTRID: because she has a love for each harbor

GINA: Shut up!

I sat in the chair and opened the first envelope.

_"Dear Gina,_

_I know that our goodbye wasn't very appropriate, but Cynthia has the virtue of being always inopportune._

_I have no great speech to say, but I just want you to know that I love you, I would be at your side now if things were different …. and I miss you._

_I wish I could go back in time and to go to Blackpool before meeting Cynthia and take you with me to Liverpool to be my girlfriend._

_Sometimes it's too late. Don't get me wrong, I love Cynthia, but I love you more than her._

_I want to see you again soon._

_I miss you._

_John "_

John's letter was very different from the last one , he was sincere and said that he loved me … that was not new to me, , yet I was happy to receive a letter from him, I always would, know about John was always a joy for me. I couldn't be with him, but he was always present in my heart.

_"Lovely Gina,_

_How are you? I was sad when I woke up the day you left to see that you were not by my side. That night was very special to me, I hope it was for you too._

_I'm like a fool thinking of you and listening to Peggy Lee, if John saw me listening to that…. would say: Oh, Lady McCartney is quite a romantic! _

_Stu has definitely left the band, Now, I'm the official bassist, and we finally have a manager! I'm very excited, it seems that things start to go well._

_Today I met your mother down the street, she sorely missed you, so … come back!_

_I love you and I miss you._

_Thousands of kisses,_

_Paul "_

Manager? My God, they were finally starting to take off … my boys, the Beatles, would be great.

_"Dear Gina,_

_I hope you don't stay in Ireland forever and come back soon._

_It seemed that George was equally excited that Paul , I was happy for them._

_We are well, you know what? We have a manager! His name is Brian Epstein, he owns a record store in Liverpool, he came to see us one day at The Cavern and like us… and we have an audition for Decca. I can't belive it, it isn't that fantastic?_

_Brian is a good man, he has an eye for the music business and has recommended we change our image, so it looks like we will leave the leather for now …_

_Tell to Jules that Pete was stung by a bee and has all the puffy face…. _

_Kisses to the girls,_

_George."_

Jules just read her letter and went to the kitchen, she had cooked a carrot cake she wanted us to taste it, I felt like a test subject.

JULES: Come on girls, taste it and tell me … if it's good I will give one to Pete for his birthday.

Astrid and I started eating , skeptical of the culinary skills of Jules.

GINA: Is delicious!

ASTRID: Yeah, I love it! Where did you learn to do it?

JULES: I asked the cake recipe in the pastry we had in the corner of the flat in Hamburg

ASTRID: Ah, now I understand, German quality!

Astrid had a patriotic feeling far from home.

We talked animatedly until I started to feeling bad.

GINA: Girls,I feel ill…

JULES: What's wrong?

I ran to the bathroom without responding to Jules. I lifted the toilet seat and started throwing up nonstop.

JULES: Sorry gina , it's my cake!

ASTRID: Well, I'm perfectly.

GINA: Don't sing victory yet …

I went to vomit again.

JULES: I can't see you like this, let's go to the town to see the doctor

GINA: No Jules, I'm fine, just needed to get it out , I'm better.

JULES: No, I won't be fine until you see a doctor.

GINA: Okay …

We went into town in the middle of the night to see the doctor on duty, it was raining and Astrid was driving the Geep . I was a little scared of the way she drove since she was used to driving with the steering wheel on the other side.

We came to the consultation and a middle-aged woman, who I assumed was the doctor invited me to come in.

DOCTOR: Girls, stay here.

The doctor was checking me for a while and asking.

DOCTOR: Get dressed and you can come out, come on.

GINA:Perfect, thank you doctor.

I went to the waiting room and sat with the girls, they were both eyeing some magazines from months ago, maybe years.

The doctor came out smiling and headed to us , so we get up from the chair.

DOCTOR: So the two ate cake

ASTRID: Yeah, but I'm fine.

DOCTOR: I see …

Gina: can I leave now?Jules, I'm fine!

DOCTOR: Of course, you're fine, more than fine! Actually, you have nothing wrong with the belly . … **you're pregnant,** congratulations!


	18. Chapter 18

I couldn't react. I felt a warmth that came from the stomach to the front and I wanted to get out of there. I went from being relieved by my sudden stomach ache to know about my unexpected pregnancy. How could I deal with that? How could I tell to mom? .

ASTRID: Gina reacts! That is great!

The words didn'r came out of my mouth. I was heated and locked. Jules hugged me and at that time I left all my tension, she didn't need to say anything.

I got rid of her hug and I ran in the rain to the jeep and I locked myself inside. Jules and Astrid came behind me leaving behind the doctor who looked worried from the door of her inquiry.

The girls got into the car and sat beside me, then I broke to mourn.

GINA: Oh girls, what I have todo?¿ Why now? - I Spoke through tears and tried to breathe as I was sobbing uncontrollably -.

ASTRID: Gina dear, quiet , ok? Everything will be fine, you should be happy for that.

GINA: I know Astrid - I lifted my face to look at her - I'm afraid, very afraid, I'm happy but scared, but… all can end in a moment … if things go wrong …

ASTRID: What do you mean?

GINA: Dot …

Astrid looked at me and wiped my tears with her hands.

ASTRID: What happened to Dot doesn't have to happen to you, don't worry, you know I'll be by your side …

Jules interrupted her.

JULES: Don't be an idiot! Why are you crying? That is not bad, I know you're young, but we will be here, and even your mother and … - Jules stopped talking, put his hand on his chin and continued. - Ginie ' Do you know who the father is?

Her words made me dizzy, I hadn't stopped to think about that. Who was it? I had made love to my two boys, with John and Paul … and I had no idea who the father was.

ASTRID: Don't tell me that the father is Stu because I'll die … - said visibly worried.

GINA: No, We never … you know, don't worry…

ASTRID: Thank God … then , ¿who is?

JULES: Is John? If it's him you have a big problem, you know, Cynthia … and … well, It can only be John, right?

I swallowed.

GINA: Actually , something happened before I left Hamburg …

JULES: What?

GINA: I spent the night with … Paul.

ASTRID: Really?Finally!I knew it! I'm glad …

JULES: It isn't time to celebrate anything Astrid, if you were with the two , it means that we don't know … she don't know who the father is.

I looked her ashamed.

GINA: I don't, I don't know …

We stayed for a while there, all three embraced in the jeep, quietly, in the middle of the night and hearing the rain fall, I needed them now more than ever, and luckily they were by my side.

I woke up at 12 noon, exhausted, I had slept for hours, and the girls didn't want me to wake up.

I put on my robe and went downstairs to the dining room. As I walked down the stairs I saw Astrid and Jules reading the newspaper on the couch with all our bags on the floor.

JULES: Cinderella is Here!

PAGES: What is all this?

I went to sit beside her.

JULES: We are leaving in two hours to Liverpool.

GINA: What? We still have two weeks of being here, I refuse.

ASTRID: Gina, we do it for you, it's time to come back, you should see your mother, a doctor must follow your pregnancy and … you should talk to the guys.

GINA: Oh no … I can't do it …

JULES: You must do it. - Said menacingly.

GINA: And, What should I say? Hey guys, I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is because I slept with both.

ASTRID: It doesn't sound good…

GINA: At the moment I won't say anything , but I'll come back to Liverpool, I miss my mom and I really want to see Bee.

ASTRID: Bee?

JULES: Yes, a good friend, you'll meet her in Liverpool. And by the way, about Bee … today I called her and I've told her all … I hope you don't mind, you know that she is trusted …

GINA: It's fine, but girls, it's important … don't tell it anyone else, I'll tell to my mother and the doctor, and I want to be discreet.

They Nodded.

I ended up picking up my things and we went to the airport. I was sleeping all the way on the plane, I was exhausted physically and psychologically,and I had many things to think about and deal with.

We arrived at Liverpool airport around 7 pm and Shotton was waiting there with his new car . We made presentations to Astrid and we got into the car.

SHOTTON: Girls, Bee is crazy about seeing you!

JULES: that little thug misses us, ah? we'll go to see her Tomorrow, today we're tired.

SHOTTON: Come on, tonight, Cynthia has assembled a small party at the house of John , because Mimi is not there, you must come, it will be as a welcome party.

JULES: Cynthia's party? Surely Lennon has something to do.

ASTRID: Sure, he organizes anything to drink a beer - we Laughed-

GINA: Girls, I don't think I should go.

Jules looked at me with puzzled face.

JULES: Ha, don't even dream of it , you're coming with us or we'll take you in tow!

I didn't want to go, I was not prepared to see the face of the potential-not confirmed- fathers of my son. Son, … that word was heavy for me yet.

Shotton left me in front of the doorway of my home, Mom was in the garden reading and eating toast with jam. Then she saw me and got up to hug me.

MOTHER: Oh Gina, honey, are you okay? How have you been these days? How is Jules? You are pale, come on , let's eat something.

Mom was bombarding me with questions and I kept thinking about what I had to say … I looked at her without saying anything, thinking of a good way to tell it to her.

GINA: I'm pregnant.

Mom whirled around and looked at me astonished.

MOTHER: what?

I left my stuff in the door next to the kitchen, grabbed a glass of water and told him everything. Mom didn't seem to react to my words and I was worried thinking if her face was of understanding or disappointment.

When I finished to talk mom started to cry. I couldn't see her mourn, not after she had cried so much for the departure of dad, and I didn't want her to be bad because of me anymore.

GINA: Oh mom, I'm sorry, I'm sorry …- we cried -.

MOTHER: Gina , Gina … honey … I'm not angry - She looked into my eyes with tenderness - I'm really happy for you, no matter what else, is your son, and I could never feel disappointed about a this, you know that I will be with you always , whatever happens. I love you Gina, you're all that I have.

GINA: I love you mom, thanks for understanding, I need you now more than ever with me.

MOTHER: I won't go anywhere.

We hugged. Having the support of mom was very important to me, I had many things hanging around my head, and I wasn't sure how everything would be seen from outside, but I knew that my house would be my refuge, and she'd be there, always.

I put my stuff back in the room and got ready to go to the meeting. I felt unsafe, but I was determined to enjoy the night without thinking about my state, it would be best, not worth thinking about it, at least that night.

I took the bus to Wolton and I headed to Mendips.

I stood outside the door, hesitating whether to enter or not.

From the outside I could hear the voices of the boys and some vinyl music. While I was in my world I heard George beating on the window of the living room, I didn't remember that from there you could see the door. I had already seen, so I couldn't leave.

George opened the door and hugged me.

GEORGE: Hi Gina, I have already prepared the ukulele for you ! - Said smiling.

GINA: Oh no, not today! Hi George, how are you?

GEORGE: Better than ever, come on, we're all in the living room.

Upon entering the room I saw John on the couch , beside him Jules, Cynthia and Pete. Stu and Astrid were resting on the table. It sounded a background music that I had never heard … that voice … so familiar … suddenly Paul entered the room.

PAUL: do you like it?

GEORGE: It's what we recorded in Decca studios.

I couldn't believe it, the guys already had a song recorded, and sounded great, they always sounded good but … they did really well. I could hear Paul's voice in all its splendor.

PAUL: Like dreamers do ( watch?v=rMSEm3XNcWA)

GINA: I love it…

We locked eyes, and our farewell came into mind … I approached him while John changed the vinyl and all started talking.

As I approached him , he kissed my cheek and whispered: My Love.

I looked at Paul without saying anything, but with that look I told everything that I was waiting to tell while I was missing him in Ireland.

John had a very melancholy look that night, he looked happy to be all together, but I felt that something was troubling him, in all that time I had begun to knowhim quite well and I knew when John was not right.

Cynthia got up to turn off the music and got our attention.

CYNTHIA: Well guys, you know that I don't usually organize parties, and less if John has a chance to drink their fill … - ssaid winking at John - but I wanted you to be here today because I have something important to say.

ASTRID: you're not a natural blonde!

GEORGE: I think we already knew that …

JOHN: Oh yes, believe me, I checked … - said rogue.

Cynthia blushed but continued talking.

CYNTHIA: Actually … - Cynthia took a deep breath and let her glass on the table - me and John are expecting a baby.


	19. Chapter 19

Cynthia … Cynthia was expecting a son of John.

I felt a cluster of feelings. I was happy for Cynthia but anxious, she was pregnant, like me, and perhaps from the same man. Everyone started to congratulate John and I looked at him, perhaps looking for a justification. John was forcing a smile while talking to Stu.

STU: Wow John, what an aim!

JOHN: Never doubt my manhood Stu, I have for this and 50 other children.

Oh John, 50 not, but two … who knows.

ASTRID: Now I understand everything! going with thick and baggy jumpers…. and you didn't want to have a drink with us in Hamburg.

CYNTHIA: Yes.

Hamburg? My face changed completely, How many months pregnant is she? Could it be that …

GINA: And , How many months pregnant are you?

CYNTHIA: 3 months more or less.

I couldn't believe my ears, John knew all along that Cyn was pregnant, and yet …. he continued chasing me until I fell. I felt bad, really bad. How did he sleep with me being her girlfriend pregnant? Lennon was the same as always, he didn't changed.

I went back to look him menacing, this time not looking for an explanation or an excuse, I didn't want to hear anything, I'll never believe anything he say.

We crossed eyes , and I could see his nervous face as he touched his coat and biting her lip.

I was so enraged that I didn't realized, that I was pressing Paul's hand .

PAUL: If you keep holding my hand as this , I won't be able to play bass anymore …

GINA: OH, sorry Paul, I hadn't noticed, I'm sorry.

PAUL: No matter honey, are you okay?

GINA: Honestly … no.

PAUL: I understand, I knew nothing …

GINA: I know, don't worry.

PAUL: Hey … I was wondering if you would want …

GINA: Paul, I'm tired from the trip and a little dazed, we'll talk later.

Paul stroked my hair tenderly .

PAUL: As you wish, I just want you to be okay.

I hugged him and went to sit with the girls to appear normality. I felt very strange, Cynthia and John were in front of me, I wanted to say a lot of things … but I couldn't. I wanted to hate John, actually I hated him and I loved him, I didn't know what I was feeling.

She was lying on the sofa watching people talk, but my eyes were fixed on the ceiling. Suddenly, someone rang the doorbell, Astrid stood up to open the door, it was Bee.

BEE: Hey guys! - Bee was radiant in her red coat and curly hair - You must be Stu's German girl, right?

ASTRID: That's right, a pleasure!

BEE: Oh girls, I've missed you…

Bee turned to us and she almost choked us on his embrace, Bee was so close, she and Jules had been my support since I arrived in Liverpool and now Astrid would join the group.

GEORGE: come on Bee, grab a drink and toast to the future mother.

BEE: Yes of course, congratulations Gina!, Jules called me this morning to tell me, here's Aunt Bee!

I felt a slight dizziness and shuddered. Everyone turned to me and Bee.

PETE: How? is Cynthia who's pregnant, didn't you know what are the names of your friends?

BEE: No, no, Jules told me that …

Everyone in the room were watching us expectantly, wondering if Bee was wrong or if she really was telling the truth. This was too much for me, I felt like I was drowning, I couldn't endure this situation for much longer, I stood up at once and I went awkwardly into the kitchen to get to the backyard.

It was night, I was in the yard, on the grass, looking for air, feeling my blood pumping hard and paralyzed. Bee went outside looking for me.

BEE: Oh Gina, I'm sorry, I didn't know that …

GINA: Bee please, leave me alone, I really want to be alone, go.

BEE: But I …

GINA: ¡Go!

I felt angry, but why? I wasn't ready, I didn't want them to know yet … I still did'nt know what to say, or what to do … how I would enter to the room again? I approached the wooden fence and rested my head on it. John went outside and walked toward me putting an arm on my shoulder.

GINA: Don't touch me

JOHN: Gina I …

GINA: leave me alone, I want nothing from you

JOHN: You can't tell me this Ginie ', you can't … - said haltingly.

GINA: You knew everything

John stayed silent for a moment.

JOHN: Yes … - he said quietly.

GINA: And yet …

JOHN: And yet I did what I felt Gina, don't you see? Do you really think I planned this? Oh Gina, for that reason I couldn't leave Cyn, for that reason I didn't go with you as soon as I could … I have no choice but to be with her.

GINA: Being with her? What does Cynthia mean for you? Come on John, do you have regrets? How could you be with me as Cynthia …

JOHN: I'm a shit, I'm a fucking bloody piece of shit, I know … but when I was with you … I was happy … you know that I…

GINA: You must learn to be happy with Cynthia, I will not waste any more time with you, it's over.

It's over. I was exhausted, so many feelings, so many emotions … my head missed John from my life, but my heart couldn't.

JOHN: I can't, never, especially now that …

GINA: No John, this child is not yours

JOHN: It must be Ginie '… I know … that night …

GINA: I'll never tell you or anyone, - I said trying hard not to mourn - stay away from me Lennon, you only bring me trouble.

JOHN: No Gina, please … What do you want me to do? I won't walk away from you.

John reached over and grabbed my arm.

GINA: Let me go John, please …

John looked at me with those sad eyes, with those honest eyes, with that look like when we are alone and off guard.

JOHN: Please don't go, stay here… - His eyes watered. -

I never saw John so weak, so vulnerable.

JOHN: **I'm in love with you.**

His words made me mourn immediately. Everything became more difficult, Why do you do me this so hard? John opened his whole heart just when I had the strength to let him go. I had to flee, being with John was insured suffering, and I didn't want to suffer anymore, not now that I should act for two. I got rid of his hand holding my arm, I turned to him and I gave him a slap in the face with all my might.

His cheek turned bright red and he stood looking at me with an impassive expression. I left John in the garden, and went to the house briskly.

STU: Gina dear, are you okay?

GINA: I need to go home, sleep, I'm tired, sorry guys, continue with the party, I …

I grabbed my coat and headed for the door.

PAUL: I'll walk you

GINA: No Paul, please, I want to go alone.

PAUL: No. - said while he was holding my arm tightly.

Paul took me out of the house.

GINA: No Paul, I can go alone.

PAUL: No, come on.

Paul accompanied me to house without saying anything. We were both silent until we reach the portal, I remembered the times when Paul had accompanied me home, long ago, but things were so different then …

I didn't know what to say, so I decided that it was best to end it quickly and leave.

GINA: Well Paul, I go to sleep, thanks for walk me …

PAUL: To sleep? No way, I think I deserve an explanation.

GINA: What do you mean?

PAUL: You know it perfectly well, When you had planned to tell me about your pregnancy?

GINA: I knew it just yesterday …

Paul walked a few steps and ran his hand through his hair nervously.

PAUL: Ginie 'please … tell me, tell me now, is it mine?

I couldn't tell the truth, beacuse… I didn't know.

GINA: Paul I … I can't tell you, understand me, it's my decision …

PAUL: Gina please, I lost a child once … don't do this to me, I have to know it…

GINA: I'm sorry … Paul I have fear …

Paul came over and hugged me, I noticed that his coat smelled of flowers, where have he been? I missed him so much in Ireland …

GINA: Paul … I love you so much …

PAUL: Me too Gina, I'm here, don't worry about anything…

GINA: Don't leave me Paul, I don't want to lose you…

I couldn't bear the thought of losing Paul now that I had lost John forever.

PAUL: I won't, I can't live without you … I can't. So … Gina, I don't care who's the father of your child , nor whether if you're confused … I'll be here for you - Paul kissed my hair - and I want you … I want you to be my girlfriend.

Paul drew me a smile among my tears, he knew how to remove my fears and anxieties.

GINA: Paulie … oh yes, yes.

I face him to kiss his lips. That kiss was like in Hamburg, But didn't taste like a farewell but to promises of happy days at his side.

PAUL: I love you.


End file.
